A Long Road to Redemption

Chapter 40

Sidney was working behind the counter in the library when the librarian, Karen Russell, walked over to her. She was in her late thirties about 5 feet tall with short brown hair. Corrections work was something that she never thought she would be involved with after she graduated college with a library science degree. Karen went through an introductory course on corrections work. Still, it was far less than what an actual corrections officer would go through. "Sidney, when you get a chance, I need you to help clear out that area where the magazine rack is."

"Sure, is something going to be put there?" she asked Karen. Since she started work in the library, Sidney had gotten to know Karen reasonably well. All the library workers seemed to have a good opinion of the new librarian. Since she was not an officer, the library had a more relaxed atmosphere. When Sidney got put on lockdown, somehow Karen found out and chided her on it almost like a big sister would, telling her she should have known better.

As she looked around for a pen to write with, Karen said, "Yes, there's a computer station going in over there. The state is conducting a trial program to expand computer skills among inmates. The computers will have limited internet access. Online students will have the most access to them, but each inmate will have an email address. The messages will be heavily monitored, but it will give you another way to communicate with your family and friends."

"Wow, who came up with that idea?" Sidney asked.

"I did. It took a lot of convincing, but the warden gave his approval. I told him other states had success with the program, and it seemed to curve recidivism rates."

"Well, good luck with the program. I hope it works."

"Sidney, you don't sound very excited."

"Let's just say I've had a bad experience with computers."

Sidney and Karen spent most of the day making room for the computers. Plans were for an actual computer room with about fifteen or twenty computers. Priority for their use would be for educational purposes like GED and online college courses. Still, there would also be designated hours for personal usage. There would only be six computers along the wall where the magazine rack stood, but Karen assured her more were on the way. Sidney did not say it out loud, but she doubted it would be anytime soon.

Jillian was more excited by the news than Sidney thought she would be. While Sidney had not heard much from any of her friends since her arrest, Jillian still kept in contact with a few people she knew on the outside. The prospect of using a computer to communicate with friends and family lifted her spirits. It would be a while before the computers were ready, but good news was always welcome.

Life behind bars was like that though. It was a plus whenever something positive happened, no matter how small. The routine of life on the inside is often one of repetition and boredom, broken by moments of fear, joy, sadness, loneliness, contentment, and other emotions. It was hard to believe that one could be content in prison, but it was possible. Sure, Sidney could think of a thousand places she would rather be. She missed the beach, scuba diving, surfing, and lying in the sun. But those things were still nine years away, so she tried to find contentment in the small things as much as possible.

That night, as Sidney lay awake in her bunk after lights out, she thought back again for the thousandth time on the night Lawson died. She thought about what she should have done differently. Sidney remembered how uncaring Lawson was when she confronted him about those videos. Then she remembered the look on her mother's face as the bailiffs led her away. About the odd way she met Jillian and wondered if they would have ever met and become friends if things had been different.

There was still a part of her that could not believe that she was in prison. When she heard the judge say that she would have to spend twelve years of her life away from everything she had ever known, it was the worst feeling she had ever felt. She had been locked away for three years, and while it may have gotten easier, being away was still not easy. There were still nights like this when she became introspective of her situation. Maybe she deserved to be here, but that didn't make it easier to take. She didn't want sympathy, a good thing since very few felt any for her, but she hoped someone would at least understand why she did what she did.