Plus Size Prisoner of Society

Choices

It's been a while
Maybe not to you
You turned the page and here I am
But I've been gone
I tell you true

It's been a few months
Things are changing in me
Reconnected with a guy
Still entangled with a guy
New people at work
My body won't work.

The summer body
Never came
Fat girl fall
Is on the way

My favorite time of year
But who to share it with?
The boy who fell for me?
Or the boy I fell for?

Believe it or not
This big girl can't choose
To end up with either
Or alone
She can't lose.

She's okay with the options
Okay with all three
To be entangled with a boy
Or to be single and free?

One shows more effort
One makes me smile more
Both make me feel special
Like a girl worth fighting for.

But the other night
One didn't come through
Said, "It's not my scene."
Is it the poetry?
Or was it me that you mean?

You say all these nice things
But are never by my side
Not down for open mic
But always down for the ride...

The other will show up
But lacks interest once he's there
I can't blame him
Listening to a poem about
"There" "Their" and "They're"

Words are my life
They're apart of me
So you think you'd show up
Present, you would be

It wasn't the best night of my life
Not even close
But one did show up
That's good
I suppose

My mind wants one guy
My heart wants another
These events are telling me
To let them meet each other

And fight til the death
So that I don't have to choose

They each gain points
And then lose them again
For right now
I'm just calling them
"Friends"

They both look at me with want
And sometimes make me forget
About my size and insecurities
I pray I don't make a choice
And end up with regret...