baby it's cold outside (WangXian FF)

16

Lan Wangji slipped out of the bed as soon as the dawn broke and he left for his secret place to calm himself down.

He hated himself because he could not withstand the temptation and felt dirty for giving in to his basic instinct.

It wasn't like he had a feeling toward the other man, but it was more like because he was weak and helpless and he needed to exert his dominance to feel better about himself.

And he was there, offering himself to be taken and used as he liked.

That surely boosted his ego even just for a while, but the guilt afterwards was too hard to bear and he didn't want to see anyone so he took the cowardly way out and escaped.

Lan Wangji knew that his only saving grace was his face.

He was handsome and his body was great, but other than that, he didn't feel like he had a good personality, or any capability to be close to someone.

He just couldn't afford that, with his responsibility toward the village, the children, the crumbling palace – everything was tying him down and made him unable to breathe.

Until the crazy offer came.

Wei Wuxian didn't even bargain and he paid in full so that he could settle everything.

But then… where would he go from here?

This was the only place that he knew, and where he could comfortably interact with the others. The kids loved it here and he loved it here.

But by selling the only place that he had ever known, where should he go next?

Should he buy a small house near here for the kids to stay, or should he take them to the city?

And then, what should he do for a living?

He graduated from the best university in China, but even that was years ago and without any work experience and his age, he doubted if he could even get an entry level job.

True he didn't need to be worried about getting a job at least up until the kids went to high school, but then what?

Decisions, decisions.

If it was only him, he would pack a bag and disappear. But there were other lives that depended on him and he couldn't possibly just follow his heart like a man without any burden.

Like Wei Wuxian.

In a way he hated the man, and yet he envied him for being true to himself.

That man would pack his bag and leave without any care in the world, unlike him.

He loved the kids, but sometimes he felt like they were his shackles that prevented him from spreading his wings and fly, and he berated himself for even thinking of the kids as a burden.

He just didn't know what to do and where to go, and never in his life did he feel so lost, even after his most immediate problem was solved.

He just hoped that the hike to the top of the mountain would clear his head and maybe help with the decision that he should make.