Freefall // Hyunlix

Quiet After The Storm

<Felix>

"WAKEY WAKEY"

"ITS TIME TO GET UP"

I bolted upright, panting. Remind me why I set that stupid alarm for myself? It's my own voice, yet I still get chills down my spine hearing it and I frequently find myself checking all corners of the room for a monster that is yet to reveal themselves. Groaning, I roll over and check my phone. The cracked screen illuminates the room and the time flashes brightly up at me- 6:30. UGH! I roll out of bed and stumble into the kitchen. I can hear shuffling around me so I decide to open my eyes a crack so I don't run into anyone. A blinding light sears into my eyes and I can hear myself groan in its wake. My body shudders, lacking the warmth that my bed provided, all I want is to cuddle someone.

It's no secret that I like skinship, my members have gone so far as to call me skinship boy, but the truth is I'm lonely. I like the safety that hugs provide. The security of having another person looking after you and reassuring you all with just a simple gesture. It's something people take for granted in my opinion and honestly something that money can't buy. I am afraid, however, that I am too clingy with them sometimes and that maybe I should just relax a little. I know I can be overbearing but everyone is deserving of comfort right?

I feel a little tired today, it's my own fault really. I crawled into bed at 2am last night after insisting that I needed more practice on our new dance. Stupid, I know, but sometimes the sacrifice is worth it. I know what I need at this moment to make me feel better and it's a hug from my drama llama. Hyunjin says he doesn't like skinship and I'd hate to impose on him but I think deep down he likes it. The other members accept my hugs without question but he takes some convincing. He's as stubborn as me but he's a pabo too which makes the hug even more warm when I finally pin him down.

I can smell something delicious being made and my mouth begins to water. I can feel my stomach growl so I follow my nose to locate the source when suddenly a loud voice rips me from my thoughts.

"Morning Sunshine!"

It's Lee Know hyung! He's my favourite chef, his bibimbap is simply to die for!

"Good Morning Minho!! What are you making? It smells SOOO good!" I beamed at him as he ruffled my hair.

"Ah I fancied a treat this morning Lix, I'm making some Waffles. I know it's not quite in our diet but I'm sure this one off won't be noticed" he grinned, popping a small strawberry in my mouth.

"Could you do me a favour lix? Everyone but the ferret is up and I would appreciate it if you could go and wake him for me- that man could sleep through a thunderstorm"

Hyunjin himself would admit he's a hard person to wake up and he usually pitied whoever had the misfortune to do it. Today this was perfect for me, maybe I could get some Jinnie cuddles as a repayment for waking him up?

"I'll do it Min, it's not a problem!" I squinted at Minho, a small smile cracked around my mouth, and he briefly nodded at me before ushering me out of the kitchen. I saw that as my cue to go and wake the sleeping lion. My legs carried me along the long hallway but I couldn't help but stop in front of the mirror. Its silver front was sparkling in the light, I couldn't help but admire it for a moment. It looked beautiful. I found myself beginning to get lost in my thoughts, it was mostly anticipation about the day ahead and our gruelling schedule. I checked my appearance and tried to flatten my somewhat puffy hair before a pained cry pierced through me.

"Why"

It was Hyunjin.

He sounded so broken. So desperate. I had to get to him, what if he was hurt? A million thoughts raced through my mind as I made my way to his room. I quickly turned the handle on his door before I rushed inside not bothering to close the door behind me. His face was screwed up, an anguished look was painted all over his face. He looked so pale, so fragile and I wanted nothing more than to help him from his nightmare. I cupped my hands on his face and started stroking his cheek. I didn't want him to be more afraid when he rose so I kept my strokes delicate.

"Hyunjin" I whispered softly, but he couldn't hear me. He began to hyperventilate, his limbs twisting and contorting underneath me. I realised in the moment that I couldn't take the gentle approach anymore.

"Hyunjin!!" I cried. It was no use, the sleeping man would not wake. I debated at that moment about getting Chan, I knew Hyunjin would be vulnerable waking up and I wanted him to be able to talk if he needed to. The universe had different plans however as I noticed hyunjin stop twisting underneath me. It was as if a blanket of calm had just swept over him, quelling the storm that had just brewed. The quiet after the storm is usually a beautiful time of peace, but in Jinnies case it didn't last long. He began scratching at his wrists, trying desperately to get to the thin veins protruding from them. His fingernails dug deep and he drew blood. I was so scared for him, I couldn't wake him up, I had to protect him somehow. But what could I do?

I pinned his arms together and by his side while I leaned over him grabbing the glass of water from his bedside table. He started squirming again, trying to scratch his bleeding wrists and I knew I had to wake him up right now. I felt panic rise within me and I cried

"HYUNJIN STOP THAT!"

I spilt the water a little on his face but miraculously he woke up. I could feel my heart beating in my chest but the look on his face quickly removed the effects of my emotions. He looked terrified.

<Hyunjin>

I glance around the room, my eyes checking every corner. I can't breathe. It's true all of it. Why hadn't I seen it before?! I always thought Chan must have had a reason for choosing me for Stray Kids but it was my visual wasn't it. I am a waste of space, why am I even here? Why have I debuted? My chest feels so tight and my eyes are swimming. I can feel something heavy on my legs but I don't glance at it- it's probably going to hurt me anyway. I feel so dizzy, I can't get enough air in. It's like my lungs just don't want to work anymore- what is the matter with me?!

"Jinnie breathe baby"

I hear his voice. His smooth, deep voice- it's like music to my ears. His melody coaxes me a little but doesn't calm the storm raging within. I can see the sea of red that left my wrists and I can't help but wonder what would happen if I really tried that. Gasping for air, I reach out to the thing that was sitting on my lap. It was my angel.

"Jinnie listen to my heartbeat yeah, let's take slow deep breaths together okay?"

I could feel him gently guiding my hand to his chest. There was a faint rhythm beating, it felt so soothing. I can feel his soft hands on my chin, he guides it upwards so I could look at his face. He wasn't a monster at all. He was my baby.

"Breathe with me okay? In... and out..."

I breathed with him. It felt right. After a while I felt calm, stable almost, but the thoughts never left me. I locked eyes with him and immediately felt myself tear up, I felt so scared but he surprised me yet again. Small arms gilded around my waist, I could feel myself being gripped tightly and pulled towards my headboard. My head was pushed into the crook of his neck and I could feel small circles being rubbed on my back.

"It's all over Jinnie, let it out hun"