Freefall // Hyunlix

Bad News

"Relatives of Hwang Hyunjin?"

Felix shot to his feet, he had to know if Hyunjin was okay. It had been 6 hours since they had last seen the raven and to say Felix was on edge was an understatement. The boy had been stopped from frantically pacing 3 times in the past few hours. He had several panic attacks and several crying sprees. His emotions were controlling him more than he could comprehend, he had never felt like this about another before. Felix and Chan followed the doctor into a private room as he relayed the unfortunate news.

"Mr Hwang was brought in 6 hours ago with extensive injuries." The doctor began. "His main injuries were the two lacerations on his wrists, they were deep enough to require emergency surgery and I am happy to inform you that the surgery was a success. However," the doctor paused glancing at the two, "I am under the impression that Mr Hwang is struggling from suicidal thoughts, severe depression, self harming issues and an eating disorder. While I cannot confirm without having a psychiatrist speak to him, if he fails to open up I will be forced to section him for his own safety."

"Thank you Dr" Chan said grimly, bowing politely at his senior.

Felix's reaction was less polite. He was in horror at the words that fell from the doctor's mouth. Sectioned? Hyunjin couldn't be that bad... could he?

"When can we see him?" Felix spoke quickly. He was getting impatient, his lover was probably scared and in pain somewhere. Felix had to be there for him, to reassure him, to keep him safe.

"I will take you to him now." the doctor responded kindly. The trio started walking along the hospital corridor towards a private ward. "As you are idols, I have placed Mr Hwang in his own private room. He will be moved when he wakes up and his condition stabilises as this is more of a resuscitation room. In regards to Mr Hwang, I have to warn, he will be in an emotional state when he wakes. Please page me as soon as he wakes up with this button, it is important we check his wounds and make sure he is not in any physical pain."

The doctor opened the door to Hyunjin's room and Felix couldn't help but run to his love. Hyunjin was a mess. He was dressed in a blue hospital gown and his body was wrapped securely with a small blanket. His black hair was messily strewn across his face, remnants of blood were still etched into the tips of it. Hyunjin looked as white as a ghost, his once plump and blushed lips were cracked and dry, the beautiful colour faded from them. His eyes were shut and he looked so peaceful, you wouldn't be able to tell what he had done just mere hours earlier. Hyunjin's arms were destroyed. His left arm had bandages wrapped from the tips of his wrist, all the way up to his elbow. There was a strange looking liquid seeping through the bandages, Felix hoped it wasn't infected. On Hyunjin's pointer finger there was a clip attached to monitor his heart rate and blood oxygen levels. He had 95% saturation and his heart rate was sitting dangerously at 40 BPM. On his right arm the bandages were shorter but there was more liquid seeping from that side. The IV Chaewon had placed was sticking out of his hand, with liquids running through it. Hyunjin was covered in his own dried blood, it was on his torso and upper arms and there was a smudge of it on his pale cheek too. He'd been through hell.

<Hyunjin>

Everything hurts.

Maybe this is what death feels like.

Everlasting suffering.

But why can I hear beeping?

As I slowly opened my eyes I found them burning. There were piercing fluorescent lights above my head on a pristinely white ceiling. Where was I? Was this heaven? My body felt too stiff to move, I couldn't control it. My arms were aching badly, I wanted to let out a scream, I needed the pain to go away. I am too tired for this, I want to sleep. I found my eyes easily fell closed and I was whisked away into a dreamless sleep.

<Felix>

Hyunjin please wake up.

Hyunjin, I need you.

I love you.

I miss you so much.

Not a day goes by where I don't think about you. Not an hour goes by where I don't miss seeing that beautiful smile of yours. Not a minute passes where I don't miss your presence, your warm touches, your beauty. I miss the little things that made us both so happy. The way you would clap your hands excitedly while your eyes curved into tiny moons. I miss your beautiful scent, your warmth, your energy. I miss my dancing partner, my friend, my brother, my love.

What I would give for you to make up my angel.

I'm right here waiting for us.

Don't give up on me.

<Hyunjin>

I can hear shuffling noises around me accompanied by hushed whispers. My body feels numb apart with the exception of my hand. There is something warm on my right hand. It feels comforting, safe even, maybe it's Kkami? I have missed that rat so much, I can't wait to give him my love and attention. But it can't be him can it? I died.

I found I had the energy to open my eyes and with a great effort I did so. My surroundings were blurry and hazed, everything felt strange. I can hear a quiet beeping sound and small sobs. I can smell blood everywhere, perhaps as strong as when I slit my wrists. But why can I smell blood? I'm dead aren't I? As my vision began to clear I noticed a small boy slumped over my hand, crying quietly. His lilac hair was a tangled mess, his eyes bloodshot, his cheeks swollen. Why was he here?

"Hyunjin" the boy said as he noticed my stare. I could see him press a small button in his hand but my mind couldn't figure out what it was for. Where was I? Why was Felix here?

"Hey Lix" I said with a small smile, "Where are we? What are you doing here?"

"Oh Jinnie..." he looked at me with tears in his eyes. "Do you remember what you did?" I nodded. Of course I remembered. I remembered every second of pain as I laid bleeding out, all my memories running through my brain, both the good and the bad, I was alone then, even the voices left me.

"We're in the hospital."

My blood ran cold. Ice flowed through my veins and I suppressed a shudder. It felt like I was doused in cold water, the shock ebbing and flowing through me. I could feel tears fall from my face, their salty taste ripped me back to reality. I survived. I fucking lived. Are you kidding me?

<Narrator POV>

Upon the revelation Hyunjin's body froze. It was as if someone had pressed the pause button on his whole existence, his brain couldn't comprehend the idea that he might have survived his attempt. It was Felix who spoke first, clutching onto the broken boy.

"It's okay Jinnie, let it out baby. I'm here this time, I promise I won't ever leave you again."

With those words, the raven fell. He clutched onto the chick as relentless sobs tore from his being. Agony etched in his face, darkness in his mind, he could never escape. The gravity of the situation hit him like a truck, he felt so embarrassed, so ashamed and so, so disappointed. The indescribable emotions of failure, sadness and humiliation overwhelmed him and all he could do was break into his angel's arms. Felix held the boy as he wailed, the most agonising sounds leaving his mouth. Felix saw Hyunjin's pain and he was there to catch him, he was there to take it away. The feeble, shaking figure in his arms began to quieten and Hyunjin stayed still.

"Hyunjinnie, baby, you don't need to hide. I'm here. I'm not going to judge you."

Cautiously, Hyunjin began to rise. Felix could see the devastation in his love's face. His heart broke for the thousandth time that day as he saw the tears falling from Hyunjin's eyes. But he was alive. Hyunjin was with him. And that gave Felix the strength to continue.