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𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐓
October 10, 2013
When I texted him that he immediately texted me back and told me he was on his way. I saw that text and mentally prepared myself for whatever was gonna happen. I sat on bed hugging lucky until I started pacing back and forth in my room, biting my nails, fanning myself, wiping my tears and eventually I heard the doorbell ring. I parents clearly weren't worried about the doorbell and I already knew who it was so I went downstairs to open the door having to walk past his room again. I opened the door and he just stared at me. I ran into his arms and started to just cry with my face mushed into his chest. When hugged me back tightly while rubbing the back of my head. I removed my face from his chest to look up at him, he wiped my tears and put his hand on my face to gently rub his thumb over my face. I decided to finally let him in so I let him go and let him in. He bent down to give lucky a few rubs then we went upstairs to room and we sat in silence to a few minutes before he began to speak up.
"You wanted to talk?" He said as he turned around toward me.
"Yea." I said clearing my throat.
"I know what we have is good and I know you want to continue what we have and I do to but the way I physically can't think about anything but my brother and can't function right now is actually absurd. He was a really important part of my life and the way I lived my life and today I had to be there for his leaving on earth, that is something that is ENGRAVED into my brain and something I need some time to process. I know your here for me but I do just need a break as a whole from everything and your not something I WANT to have a break from but I know I NEED to have a break from you just to process my feelings and my emotions. So I hope you can understand."
"Cora, you know that I am here for you which you just said and that's enough for me. I do hope that you can one day feel like you can keep me with you during the process and let me be with you through your process but if you need time I do understand. I'll wait for you."
When he said that I knew that I was starting to actually love him, of course I wasn't worried about that because of what I had going on but somewhere in me I slightly felt my heart start to beat quickly but I ignored it. He opened his arms and looked at me waiting on me to give him a hug.
"You don't have to give me one if you don't want to."
But I definitely needed that hug and I knew I needed it so I slowly leaned my whole body into his arms. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed his hand in circles on my back. I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him crying and he wiped my tears with the back of his hand.
