Young And Beautiful

chapter 5 Stars around my scars

Jimin had for the first time in a while took the effort to make a list and go grocery shopping. He felt like he had to maintain three government jobs at once. He had to read the list, push the cart and find the things in the list too? That sounded insanely crazy to him and he understood why people tend to bring someone along while shopping. His list wasn't too big on the eating side ( but it definitely included bread and strawberry jam that's totally not for Tae ). He found his way towards the aisle stacked with lotions and shampoo, navigating towards the regular brand he uses and picked it out, putting it into his cart and finally ending the list of things needed. He pushed his cart towards the billing counter and waited in line for his turn.

His mind had drifted towards thoughts of Taehyung when he felt a push from behind and a man murmuring somewhat of a sorry. His body instantly grew stiff with the uncomfortable amount of physical contact, he could hear the man breathe near his ear. He nodded acknowledging his apology and took a small step forward, trying to get as much distance as possible. He grew impatient, wanting his turn to be up already but it was a sunday and the queue was extremely long considering there was only one girl working. He thoughts were interrupted for the second time and his mind went blank when he felt a tight grip on his waist, digging into his skin, depriving him of all movement.

He could feel his heart rate increasing and chest tightening along with the increasing urge to drop everything and run out of the store, turn back and push the man's hand off of him or yell at him like any other person would have for being touched without consent but he could do none of that. He froze as his body and mind betrayed him. It was getting harder to breathe with every passing minute and he wanted to fucking scream. But instead he let it happen for the whole of 10 minutes it took for him to reach the counter and put up his things to be billed when he finally felt the grip disappearing. The girl had to repeat the amount thrice before he payed the money with his trembling hands, picked up the bag and walked out of the store. His fist tightened over the bag and his eyes were getting blurry when he realized tears were spilling down his cheeks.

Fortunately he hadn't gone too far from his apartment and he managed to reach back with his legs threatening to give up any second through the walk. He dropped the bags on the floor, closed his door shut and collapsed onto his knees as his legs couldn't support him anymore and he waited for his tears to stop but they wouldn't. There wasn't a single proper thought crossing his mind yet it felt like a million thoughts were gushing through. Too loud, too messy. He got up and reached for his drawer, taking out the case of pills and putting about god knows how many into his mouth, not bothering to swallow it down with a drop of water though it would have made it much easier for him.

He sat on the floor and gradually felt his heart rate go back to normal. But his mind wouldn't stop feeding him thoughts of every possible thing he could have done. He could still feel the touch against his waist, he felt like ripping his skin apart. It hurt so much. He did not want to do this. He did not want to listen to his mind like he used to. He wanted to stand up for himself not hurt himself for not doing so. However that was what he ended up doing. Maybe it was a coping mechanism for him or maybe it just made him feel less guilty or he was just so disgusted about where he had been touched he wanted to destroy that part of him. Whatever it was it ended with a knife in his hand, blood on the floor and a terrible cut on his waist.

About three hours after it had happened his telephone rang. He did not have the energy nor the intent to get up and walk his way to pick up an and make a conversation with Taehyung. Neither did he want Taehyung to see him in the state he was in right now so he ignored it. He listened to the phone ring continuously for at least 10 minutes before it stopped and he heard a knock on his door. He could faintly hear Taehyung's voice calling out for his name but he wasn't really sure. He thought he would leave if he didn't respond but he saw the door knob twisting and the door swinging open. He hadn't locked it. How careless of him he thought.