This is the story of Ryujin & Yeji from childhood, through Itzy, and into retirement. During that time, an intense and sometimes painful love blossoms, made difficult by the demands of fame and the search for meaning and purpose during Itzy and afte...
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Yeji panicked.
She had run out of espresso and it was 4am. She had given up trying to sleep. There were no stores open, at least ones that sold espresso.
Yeji screamed and threw the empty coffee cup against the wall so hard that it exploded into fragments that rained all over the kitchen and seating area of her apartment. She let out a deep breath and slid down the refrigerator door, sobbing. The sink was overflowing with dishes, and throughout her apartment were the dead houseplants that she had forgotten to water. Her closets were stuffed with unworn clothes, and shoes, and silly things she had bought during reckless shopping binges.
Lately, she was having trouble staying under control. She was terrified. They had just returned from a ten-city mini-tour, and without the distraction of performing, things got worse. Since they were now allowed to get their own places, she was alone with herself. A million people might love you, but still, so few people actually knew you. On tour, she was the unnie to the other girls, always working to help them with any issues, while also being the driving force behind Itzy's concepts and direction. But without that, there was...
Nothing.
She neither felt things, nor could make herself feel anything. She had gotten good at lying to the other girls and pretending that she was the strong leader of the group. The others came to her for advice, and she still helped them. But over video, they couldn't see that she wore the same clothes for days, wasn't eating properly, and never left the house.
Night after night, she'd fall asleep in the fetal position, her face sore from sobbing, desperately trying to think of something, anything to do. But nothing revealed itself.
She was picking up the fragments of the coffee cup when her phone rang. It was Ryujin. Before she answered, she blew her nose and even straightened her hair as if Ryujin would see it over the phone.
"I'm glad you called," Yeji said.
"You were awake?"
"Yeah," she answered flatly.
"Unnie, are you ok?"
"I'm fine, Ryujin," she said testily. "What's up?"
Ryujin could tell by the tone of her voice that Yeji wanted the call to end as soon as possible. But Ryujin, carrying her secret love for Yeji for years, felt she needed to be more forceful. If Yeji was unhappy, unreachable, the bottom would fall out of Ryujin's life.
"Look, whatever is going on, we can help. All four of us can help, if you'll just talk to us," Ryujin said.
"I know that. I always have. But I don't know what's happening to me, and I'm afraid. I feel like such an idiot. Here I am, wealthy and famous, and I can't get out of bed. How could I possibly tell my father? He dealt with his challenges for years, and here I am, living a life none of us could have ever imagined, and I'm sinking."
