Broken, Imperfect

Chapter 6

Austins PoV
A week had passed since Alan called me Austin. He actually took the time to learn my name, so I pinned him against a wall and scared the piss out of him. Makes sense. Right? I'm pretty sure he was on the edge of a panic attack afterwards. I couldn't really tell if he was just scared or if something was wrong. But he ended up fine, so I don't really care.

When he begged me to let him go though. . . That look in his eyes just got to me a bit. He looked genuinely scared, which I guess he was. But it bothered me. I guess he had just been so nice and my conscience was nagging at me. I could definitely be a bit nicer.

He wanted to be friends with me, clearly. For what reason, though? He dealt with everyone else's shit for the sake of some asshole that didn't do anything but shoot him down. So what was this? Some sort of joke? A bit of fun? A way to fuck up my school life just a tad bit more? Lovely. I don't want R need any of that.

Sadly, there is also a part of me that wants to let him in. Part of me wants to get to know him. To see him smile, because he really doesn't do it enough. I have dirt on him anyways, since he had jabbered on about being gay the other day. Why would he tell me that kind of thing if he was out to get me?

He sat down next to me in first period, and all week he would say a quiet good morning and remain silent for the rest of the entire day. Today, he just put his head down. He didn't say a word. I watched him for a moment, frowning slightly before I took a deep breath and sat up instead of slouching. He tensed up a bit and raised his head enough to glance over at me.

"Morning" I said blandly, but not hostilely. His head jerked up further as his eyes widened a bit.

"G-good morning" he replied quickly. Shock was spread across his face blatantly.

"Didn't get enough sleep?" I questioned.

"N-not really. No." He replied, his voice shaking.

"Well maybe you should catch up on the Z's this weekend" I told him.

He nodded vigorously and sat all the way up, turning towards me.

"Yeah. I-I plan on it" he told me. "Just haven't had a good week, y'know?" He said quietly. "Today and tomorrow" he sighed, reminding himself how close the weekend was.

I nodded in reply as class started. A couple of people were shooting us both nasty looks, and Jenna was glaring at Alan real hard.

He lowered his head a bit as he stared ahead and focused on the teacher as class started, and we didn't see each other again until 3rd block.

As he sat down in 3rd block, he glanced at me hopefully. I didn't even acknowledge him. It was a one time thing and I should have kept it to good morning. Nothing more. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I actually shouldn't have said anything at all, because as much as I tell myself I don't give a shit, it's just feeding him false hopes and he will get his feelings hurt time after time.

He didn't bother me for the rest of the day, and for that, I was glad. I didn't want friends. I don't need friends. People suck. I suck. I just wanna make it through, and maybe be in a band or something. I don't know. I wanna do something fun. Maybe I could use music to make people feel the same way I feel when I listen to music.

Anyways. I was only home for about half an hour when dad rushed in.

"Aus!" He called as he rushed into the dining room.

"Yes dad?" I replied with an eyebrow raised.

"The doctors that operated on your mom ca-"

"We aren't talking about this." I snapped at him roughly. I quickly stood, and walked away, stomping upstairs and taking them two at a time as he called after me.

Y'know, my mom was my favorite person on this planet. And right before I started school at that fucking hell hole, she was ripped away from me. He knows I can't fucking talk about it. I don't understand why he would even mention it.

I sat on my bed, tears raging behind my eyes as I scanned my room for something to break.

"Austin, please" he begged as he knocked on my door. "The doctors need to run some tests tomorrow. Marfans. . . It's hereditary."

My heart stopped, and everything around me seemed to slow down. I pushed myself to my feet and slowly pulled the door open.

"What?" I asked him quietly, staring slightly down at him.

"You need to be tested, Austin. I'm so sorry" he told me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I looked away and wiped my eyes before any tears escaped down my cheek. I nodded, and with a quiet sigh my dad turned and walked away.

For the first time since my mom died, I sat down on my bed and I cried. I cried as I looked up that damned disease. I cried even harder as I realized I showed so many of the signs. I just cried and cried and cried until I drifted off into sleep.

I slept all afternoon. All evening. All night. Straight through, and I didn't wake up until my alarm for school went off.