Broken, Imperfect

Chapter 13

For the rest of the weekend, Austin and I watched movies. We had watched Saw III and since blood and gore made me sick to my stomach, it resulted in a small argument. He admitted that he knew I hated blood and he had just wanted to see if would trust him enough to tell him. We ended up hugging it out and apologizing and settings a couple things straight.

He told me that a clean slate meant we had to quit doubting each other and a tiny bit of trust was deserved on both sides. Mine more so than his. I agreed with that, but didn't go out of my way to let him know. Some things were better left unsaid.

Today was the first day back at school as friends, though, and I was nervous. We were walking down the hall to first block and he was scowling, his hands locked tightly around his books. People still have him looks, and I was getting them too but neither of us got as many as I would have expected. I spoke to him softly without getting a reply.

"You're good dude. Everybody knows what's up, apparently the teachers have been telling their classes to have you in their prayers, or to have good thoughts or whatever. People actually feel bad." I told him.

"And you know that how?" He asked coldly, and under his breath.

"Rian" I replied simply. I refrained from getting an attitude with him because I knew this was tough. We sat down at our back table and Rian was staring at us with an eyebrow raised. He got up and approached us like we were injured animals, slowly moving in an outward circle and ending up behind us. He grabbed our shoulders and shook us slightly.

"My two favorite students" he said smiling. "back at last. The semester is halfway over, you fuckboys."

"Wow Rian. That's mature" I rolled my eyes. Austin said nothing.

"Aus, how ya feelin?" He attempted.

"Don't call me that" replied Austin instantly. I jumped a bit at his tone and quickness.

"Okay?" Said Rian in confusion. "Well, are you feeling better?"

"A lot better." I answered for him. "They fixed some bone that was poking his neck, and-"

"Half of my heart is fake" Austin interrupted. My heart seemed to stop along with everything around me. Rians hand tightened on my shoulder.

"What?" I whispered. Austin nodded solemnly.

"There was some infection, and it was sitting and just spreading. They asked if I felt pain, or discomfort, or any aching. Anything that might have alarmed me. But I hadn't. The infection was so close to my heart that within days I would have been dead. They had no choice but to replace it, and hope that my body accepted the new half and worked with it as opposed to against it. I guess it's working with it." He whispered.

"Austin. Why didn't you tell me." I whispered.

"I don't need your pity. Or his" he said motioning to Rian. Jenna at this point had walked in with Oli and Josh and they were standing there with wide confused eyes. "I sure as hell don't want theirs either." He snapped a bit loudly.

They wordlessly sat down and stared ahead as others spilled into the classroom. Smart move. Rian was still frozen in his spot as was I, and everything still seemed to move so slow. My surroundings were like an ocean of molasses. I felt like a tiny little bug. I felt helpless. Crawling over a leaf or two, being toppled by the passing wind. That was a strange but fit way to describe it. Look at your life from a bugs point of view.

Austins heart had failed him, just like I had. I couldn't help him and nobody could and I hated that. Rian took a deep breath and it seemed to somehow snatch me out of my daydream.