Broken, Imperfect

Chapter 25

Alan's PoV
God I couldn't look at Austin. I had to just go home. I knew I should have told him the truth from the beginning. I KNEW I should have. Because like with any other love story, lying and waiting even a day would screw everything up. The thing is, in real life you can't always fix it. It doesn't end in a loving relationship every single time like it does in those stupid fucking books or movies. I fucked up and I hated myself for it honestly.

But I also knew I could win him back. Even if it was even harder than the very first time. I could win him back because I had finally admitted to myself that I don't just love him. I'm in love with him. He needs to know that, too.

*        * *

I did wait a couple of days. It was Thursday, and I anticipated on waiting until Friday but I couldn't. I wanted to go to school Friday. I wanted to stop feeling so bad.

I needed him to know how sorry I was and I needed him to know- even if he didn't know anything else- that I was in love with him.

It was a rainy day, and the rain pounded even harder against my windshield as I headed to his house.

Surprisingly, I was met by Oli as I approached the door. Austin glared at me after smiling and telling Oli goodbye. God how I missed his smile. Only, it wasn't the same since he wasn't smiling at me anymore.

Before I could talk he held up a hand.

"Don't even try with me right now. I need my stuff from your house. Am I walking or are you gonna run me over there?" He asked gruffly.

I wrung my hands and just nodded at the car, getting back in it. He was piddling around with the glove department as I drove and when he opened it he pulled his hand back and just looked at me.

*"What's this?" As he gingerly picked something up. A small pocket sized box cutter I keep in my car.

"A box cutter" I said blandly.

"Show me your arms" he said instantly.

"What? No!" I denied him and as he reached out, and I braked my car quickly.

"Pull over" he snapped and I did because this was getting out of control. "Now show me your arms Alan."

"I'm not showing you anything. You don't get to tell me what to do. We aren't like that anymore. So leave it" I argued although I had nothing to hide.

"I don't care what we are!" He roared at me. "Now show me your fucking arms!" As he hurled the little box cutter into the foresty area beside us, losing it in the abundance of tall grass and vines.

"Fine! Here!" I screamed at him. I angrily rolled my sleeves up, thrusting my arms out towards him to reveal smooth, clear wrists.

He narrowed his eyes at me as he grabbed my arms and checked them over. He looked me in the eyes and I felt the ache in my throat. That dull ache you always choke on before you cry.

"Show me your thighs" he said softly.

At this point I felt like I definitely had something to prove. I didn't want to feel obligated to show him these kinds of things but I did. I glanced around for any oncoming cars before unbuttoning my pants and shoving them down just below my thighs and awkwardly rolling up my boxers. I felt his eyes burning into me as he scanned my skin, once again finding nothing.

"Happy?" I snarled.

"Yeah, actually" he retorted getting back in the car with a heavy sigh and a few deep breaths.

"Now can we go to my house without you freaking out over something stupid" I said bitterly.

"That kind of thing isn't stupid!" He argued with me. "It's a serious fucking thing and I will never allow you to do it while I'm still on this fucking earth" he said aggressively.