Crumbling Walls | Erwin Smith x Reader 18+

Chapter 4

Little Insight

Day, night, another day, another night... They keep passing, they keep rushing by, until another week had gone by just like that without you doing anything else but train, tasks, train, more tasks. And it drives you mad, that loop of your routine. Because it's not supposed to be like this, you're not supposed to stay in that loop. You should be expelled by now, punished, and thrown out of these barracks.

Because, in your head you know that you had crossed a line. You did the unspeakable... to him!

And by each day going by without hearing anything from the headquarters, you grow edgy, nervous and the smallest orders from your captains make your heart jump in your chest. Thinking that this's it for you. Because,

Why didn't he do anything?

Ever since that night in the field with him, ever since you lashed out, lost control over your temper and practically confessed everything in front of him, Erwin was nowhere to be seen. Not in your training sessions, not in your lectures and not even at the dining hall at meal times. A thought about what if they were going on another expedition outside the walls had crossed your mind, but you brushed it away because no one was saying anything about it. Plus, they were short on scouts. So if they were really going, they should've started the acceptance process already.

Crack!

A drop of sweat trickles down your temple as you lean forward, hands gripping hard into the axe in your hand as you retrieve it back. Kicking the log of wood you just snapped into two pieces away and reaching for another log. It'd been a long morning, and a longer afternoon with you doing the wood chopping for this evening.

The midday sun has already shifted, slowly sinking down into the horizon. Changing the skies above you from pale blue to soft orange as the sunset approaches. You had your lectures this morning, two of them, and after lunch you proceeded to your daily task. And ever since then you've seen none of your friends nor your captains. And again, you haven't seen him, either.

Grip, lift up high, swing hard,

Crack!

Another log cracks and splits, followed by your kick to add another one. You keep at it, one after the other, until the sun is completely hidden and the skies dim over. You've already finished, and a pile of chopped wood laid right next to you as you sat on the ground and stared at nothing. Your knees pushed up, your arms resting over them. Your body sweaty and damp and your breath coming to slow down a bit.

As you sit dwelling in your thoughts, you start to hear soft murmurs, girls talking and faint giggling. You look to the right and you see a few scouts approaching. You don't recognize them as ones from your unit or your friends. They must be from another district, you think as you keep on watching them. Three girls at front, they all look sharp with their uniforms and the gears strapped to their bodies. It makes you slightly envious, having yourself still a trainee.

Soon...

They pass you, and suddenly your gaze latches to the last body walking behind them.

Your eyes squint, and you frown when she looks up and locks her eyes with you. And that sweet, soft mouth of her smiles to you. The same smile you saw once, when you were both naked inside the bathroom, that first time you ever saw her.

Unconsciously, your mouth lifts up in a faint smile. Still not sure if you wanna be nice to her or not, or if she was actually nice at all to begin with. And you don't even know why, but you have this feeling jabbing inside your chest each time she smiles or does something nice to you. Something similar to guilt. And honestly, you're not even sure if you dislike her as a person, or only because she keeps reminding you of him and that time in his office all over again.