Crumbling Walls | Erwin Smith x Reader 18+

Chapter 15

Hurt

It was real. All of what happened that day and its night. What you did to Erwin in the morning, that awful encounter you had with Hina, telling Mikasa about you and your commander. And finally, the perfect finale of it all, Levi Ackerman arresting you for assaulting him.

It's been a week now, and all you kept thinking about is that day. As if your sense of time had stopped right at that moment. And you didn't move past it since. You kept living it. Over and over again, replaying it in your head as if that will somehow help you change it. Or unhappen it. If that makes sense and if that was even possible. As if forcing different scenarios in your head that didn't happen and imagining words that you didn't really say would somehow change the outcome. Change that day. All of it from start to finish.

But that's not possible...

And you're here now, laying on this rusty bed, in this cold and decaying prison cell, covered in a thick and rough blanket that gave your body an itch more than it warmed it.

You kept shuddering, your body refusing to stay still as it pleaded for warmth. There's no source of heat and light, other than the faint yellow hue coming from the hallway. Nothing.

The sun doesn't come up much in the day, and when it does, it doesn't even reach that tiny square of a window above your bed. It was as if you were in an endless darkness. Cold and alone and so, so mad you felt like you wanted to bang your fist against a wall. Hard, and a lot. Until you bleed. Until your bones crush into mush under your skin. And until... he comes down to see you.

As if...

But you didn't do that. You were saner than that. More mature than to throw a childish tantrum. Or it's what you thought...

Because you decided to starve yourself instead.

Not so mature either...

But it was the only way you know for sure it would able you to see him. To force him to come down here and look you in the eye and tell you why!

Why didn't he say something when Levi stood right there and humiliated you? Why didn't he move when fucking Levi put his hands on you? When he slammed you right into that frozen ground as if he'd been waiting his whole life to do it? And finally, why did he stand there and just watched them take you away! Like a criminal, being cuffed and dragged and thrown into this filthy cell with not a word from him?

Why? Why? Why?

So the only way to get your answers was by refusing to take your meals whenever a guard brings it. You would push it away, throw it right into the floor or back at them. And scream, at the top of your lungs, until your throat is left burning. That you won't eat a single thing until "that fucking Erwin" comes down here. Your words.

Now, it's been a week since you've been thrown here. And it's been two days since you ate something. Your stomach growls at you again, it feels as if your inside had started to eat itself from the inside out because of how hungry you are. Water from the tiny sink you have in your cell wasn't enough. And by now you are sure that this is going to be it for you. That question that kept nagging at the back of your mind for too long now.

How will things end for you?

Now it seems you're getting an answer for it. You're not going to die fighting titans outside the walls. You're not dying while avenging your brother. You're simply dying because you decided to starve yourself. Cold, alone, and so hurt you could feel it inside your chest. Pieces breaking bit by bit, by each passing hour and day and he isn't here yet.