Caitlin Brooks: Grace Cameron

Chapter Sixteen

Caitlin's SVU stopped dead before she was dragged out and put into another identical one with Charles waiting for her in the backseat. 
"What's going on?"
"Your extraction. The mission is over. We're faking your death, when O'Reilly's car goes past he'll see yours on fire with three bodies inside. News reports will show it was the terrorist Caitlin Brooks and the two agents that arrested her that died in the car explosion" he took the key out of his back pocket and undid her cuffs before he smiled at her "Good work agent Cameron" Grace couldn't return his smile, neither did she want too. Her attention went to tinted window. 
"Where are we going?" 
"Back to base. You'll be debriefed and so will my boss, then he'll decide where we'll go next" 
"Another crook, another crime" she muttered. He reached across the seat and placed his hand on her wrist. 
"What's going on with you? I thought you'd be happy to be able to be you for a little while? You did ask to end the mission" 
"I wanted an out five days ago but I wasn't granted it"
"I tried but they wanted more-"
"There was nothing to give"
"Well, we got you out now and your alive. That's a successful mission in my book" 
"There's nothing successful about this" she muttered again, this time the words avoided his ears.
The rest of the drive was in silence. She didn't ask where the base is, or what would happen to Cormac. All she wanted was to sleep in a bed with the door locked, she wanted the pounding in her head to stop, she wanted the ache in her heart to go away. 
The car finally came to a stop outside of building, far on the outskirts of France. Far enough away from anything and everyone, including Cormac. Caitlin climbed out of the car following Charles through security and inside the building that held more secrets than any one person could believe. On the outside it looked abandoned except for the armed guard but on the inside, when you took the elevator down it was like a whole other world. To Grace it was funny that the elevator went down, she already felt like she was in hell and now going down made her feel that much closer to it. 
When the elevator doors opened she saw her team waiting for her, Clara, Elliot and Simon. Clara moved to her instantly, wrapping her arms around her friend. 
"We'll talk later" she whispered before she released her, letting Elliot hug her next. 
"Good to see you Grace" he muttered before he released her. 
"I'm not hugging you Cameron, keep wishing" Simon teased but Grace couldn't find the strength to find something witty to say back. George and Simon shared a look before George cleared his throat. 
"I'll show you to your bunk later but for now we have a briefing to get to" he led them through the base, Simon and Elliot following closely behind as Clara and Grace fell into step a few feet behind them. 
"I'm sorry. I tried" Clara whispered. 
"Let's just hope that he doesn't get his wish" she whispered back as she held back the bile that had risen in her throat. They reached the conference room and George reached for the handle when Grace stopped him. 
"I need to use the bathroom" 
"Nervous shitter are we, Cameron?" Simon teased but she stayed silent. 
"Just up the hall" she nodded hearing the rest of her team enter the conference room before she pushed open the bathroom door and headed inside. She moved to the sink, looking back at her own reflection she turned on the tap and splashed her face with cold water, biting back the bile that threatened to rise up before she left the bathroom. 
She pushed open the door to the conference room, all eyes going to her as she entered. 
"Agent Cameron. How nice of you to join us" he smiled from the head of the table "Agent Davenport. And I must say that I am very impressed with you work" he watched as she took an empty seat at the table. 
"We do what we have to do" she muttered, just loud enough for them to hear. 
"Well then, let's start this briefing from the start. You met O'Reilly at an Irish bar-" he cut himself off as he searched the papers in front of him for the bars name. 
"O'Sullivan's" she finished for him. 

They spent the better part of four hours catching up agent Davenport on everything had had happened in the year they were watching and infiltrating Cormac O'Reilly's business. Grace couldn't remember half of what they said or even the questions they asked her, all she could remember was her own actions, everything she did that got her to where she is now, sitting around a table, her every move being scrutinized by someone who's never had to make the choices that she had to. By then end of it, the bile in her throat felt like it was blocking every breath she tried to take, she wanted to sleep, she wanted to wake up from this bad dream, she wanted the pain to end. 
Davenport got up from the table and shook everyone's hand in turn before he finally reached Grace, he held out his hand. 
"Good work, agent" she got up from the table and left the conference room, the bile only rising higher. She moved to the bathroom quickly, slamming the stall door shut behind her she flicked the lock shut before she lost the contents of her stomach in the toilet under her. 
"Grace" she didn't hear her name being called over the sound of her retching, she didn't know Clara was in the bathroom until she felt her hand rubbing small circles on her back and her holding her hair back. When it finally stopped Grace sunk further onto the ground, her back pressed against the wall of the stall as she pulled her knees up to her chest. Clara pushed her hair away from her face, taking in her tear stained face and her red eyes. 
"The others didn't feel this bad" 
"Because Cormac was different for you" Grace squeezed her eyes shut trying and failing to stop more tears from falling. 
"I didn't mean to get this close" 
"There's always one" Clara pulled her into her side, holding her close as her tears continued to fall. 
"Will the pain ever stop?"
"That's up to you. You can either tell yourself that you were just doing your job or you can push everything into the back of your mind"
"Is there a third option?" Grace looked up at her friend, studying her face. 
"You can remember the good" 

Grace slept like the dead that night, no tossing or turning, just sleep where she could forget the last year and everything before. There was no wondering what tomorrow would bring, it was just her and her empty head...then the bible rising in her throat. She threw back the covers, making it to the toilet just in time before she lost everything she'd eaten for dinner last night. After she finished bringing up everything that was in her stomach she managed to pick herself up and get herself back into bed. Just as she lay down and closed her eyes a firm knock at the door echoed throughout the room. 
"Grace. It's me" Clara called before she pushed the door open and moved to her side, she knelt beside her bed and brushed her hair out of her face. 
"I need a favour" 
"This isn't just guilt is it?" 
"I think we both know what this really is" 
"I'll make sure I'm not tailed" she got up to move when Grace caught her wrist. 
"No one will know, I'll run if I have too-"
"We'll worry about that after the test comes back positive. For now, you're not pregnant" Grace released her wrist and let her move to the door. 
"I think we both know what it's going to say" she muttered, listening as Clara left the room a few seconds later, closing the door behind her. 

Caitlin peed on the test before she let Clara into the bathroom and the two of them sat with their backs pressed against the tub as they waited the five minutes it would take for the results to appear. 
"Where are the boys now?"
"With Georgette, she told the feds that she's their mother" 
"Your going to have them moved?"
"Yeah. You remember Sam? He'll become their father, they'll blend in somewhere. They'll be kept safe" Grace nodded gently. 
"They called me mommy" she smiled "Cormac proposed at the beach as we watched the boys build sandcastles. He said that I could run away with them, raise them to be like him" her smile fell "I told him that I couldn't do it. He gave me a ring instead, just a symbol of love instead of a marriage and kids" Clara opened her mouth to speak when the timer going off stopped her. She picked up the test off the side of the sink and handed it to Grace. She took a breath before she flipped the stick over and looked at the two pink lines. 
"Positive" she sighed. 
"Okay" she nodded "So what's the plan?" 
"You pretend that you know nothing about this and you let me disappear" 
"Where will you go?"
"My grandfather lives in the French mountains, all I need is some food, I'll be there in a couple of days. They'll be no record of me leaving the country by plane and no cameras to catch me on my way" 
"You've really thought this through" 
"I'm a spy and I'm pregnant with a terrorist's baby. You learn to live in flight mode" they fell into silence as Caitlin stared down at the test. 
"I'm sorry" 
"It's not your fault"
"I should've tried harder, I should've-" Caitlin's hand went to her wrist. 
"It's not your fault. My mission was to get close to him, saying no to his touch was hard" she frowned as she slipped her hand into hers "No should do what we have too, but we do it anyway because without us bad people would kill good ones" 
"But what does that makes us? The good or the bad?" 
"The broken" she muttered, lying her head on Clara's shoulder.