Luna Mia || Theodore Nott

Chapter:16

The world around me blurred into a black canvas, voices weren't clear around me, all I could hear was my rapid shallow breathes, the word 'no' uttered repeatedly by my mouth, the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I was shaking my head, refusing to believe anything I just heard.
"S... ra .. Sara!" They were there, those green eyes looking into mine, shaking my shoulders. My senses returned to me as his voices lulled me back to reality.
"Sara hey, look at me, calm down"
"No... no this cant be true"
"Sara" it was Sirius this time. "Please" the last part was barely a whisper.
"No." I turned around and left quickly, Nott on my heels.

We headed towards the castle silently, the thoughts consuming over my senses. I didn't even know where I was going, I just wanted to get as far away from them as possible. It's like time blurred, and the next thing I know I found myself on top of the Astronomy tower.
I looked over the edge. I was numb, no pain, no feelings, just numb.
"Sara...?" Nott asked hesitantly. If it wasn't for what I just discovered, I would've told him how good my name sounds coming from his mouth for the first time, but this was the last thought on my mind. I kept staring at the sky.
".. You know, when my mother died, I was 6 years old. I was devastated, I didn't know what I was feeling. So I stayed quiet. I didnt talk to anyone for a month. I didn't even cry. And my only regret till the day is that I kept it all bottled up. Please say something." He ended with a  whisper. I looked at him, unaware of the tears rolling freely down my cheeks. And then, he hugged me, I didn't know what to do. It took me a second to melt completely into his arms. I started sobbing uncontrollably.

"How could he keep something like that from me.. how?!" My words were wet with sobs that racked my body.
"It's gonna be okay, you'll get through this. Everything will be alright, I promise." His words along with his hands rubbing my shoulder blades were comforting. I continued crying in his arms. I let it all out. But everything will be alright. He promised

That night after we left, my father, or shall I say my non-biological father, turned into a werewolf, the Dementors nearly kissed Harry and Siruis, but Harry and Hermione managed to get Siruis on top of buckbeak and help him escape. The next day, I skipped classes. I wasn't in the mood to see or talk to anyone. I'm pretty sure Nott told Elle who in turn told Katie about the whole situation, since they both were there when I woke up. I had a good cry before telling them I want to stay alone for the day. As I was sitting in my dorm, alone, I heard something knock against the window, it was an owl. As soon as I opened the window, it dropped of a letter and flew back away. I picked the letter and sat on my bed. It didn't have any address or name on the outside, so I opened it and read it carefully.

Dear Sara
I know I might be the last person you want to hear from now, but you deserve an explanation and I must be the one to give it for you. Years ago me, Remus, James and Lily were really close friends. Throughout our hogwarts years, me and the boys were running around the corridor causing chaos while Lily scolds us like little children. Then there was that traitor scum, Peter Pettigrew. He betrayed James and Lily, betrayed us all, and told you know who the whereabouts of them, then he threw it all on me.

I suffered for years, being accused of something I would never dare do, but the only hope that kept me going, the only happiness I found in Azkaban was the hope that I'd get out one day and see you. When I got your mother pregnant, I made a vow to myself to protect you forever, and when things started getting dark, I made Remus promise me that he'd protect you like his own daughter no matter what. I was put in prison shortly before you were born. Your mother didn't want anything to do with me, as she believed I was working for him. So Remus told her that he will raise you and take care of you. I am sorry I wasn't there watching you grow, I never wanted this. And please don't blame Remus, he did what he did to protect you from being the daughter of a murderer.
                                            In hopes I see you soon.
                                                                Padfoot

By the end of the letter I had tears in my eyes. Just as I was wiping them away, I heard a knock on my door, then my father peaked his head from behind the door.
"Can I come in?" He asked
"Yeah"
He sat at the end of the bed, looking at his hands in his lap.
"If you're here to explain to me what happened, spare yourself, he already did." I nodded towards the letter still on my bed.
"Very well, you deserve to hear the truth from Sirius, but let me explain my part please"
"I only hid the truth from you to protect you, because I do consider you my daughter. This bond isn't about blood, you're still my sweet daughter and I'm still, hopefully, your dad."
"Do you really think I would stop loving you dad?" I said with tears brimming my eyes.
"No I only mean to say it's totally okay for you to be upset with me, to be mad and to blame me for not telling you this."
"I understand why you did so, it's just that I need some time alone for myself, to figure it out. You do realise this will change my entire life?"
"Yes ofcourse I do, and I will leave you alone for now, just remember you will always be my daughter little moons, no matter what.. I love you"
"... I love you too..... dad"

He left my dorm and I just laid back staring at the ceiling, massaging my temple. Every thing was so complicated. I know my feelings will never change towards dad, but with my real biological father in the picture now, I'm afraid. What should I do? Should I just call him Sirius or dad? Will I ever be able to feel the daughter-father bond with him? What will I say when I see him? So many questions yet so little answers. I sighed, I really was getting a headache from all this stress-

Knock knock knock
"Ugh how hard is the concept of being alone to grasp"
"I see someone's grumpy" Nott entered the dorm. Well that is definitely the last person I ever expected to see. It must've been obvious on my face.
"I wanted to hide since I wasn't in the mood for class, so I just skipped. Also didn't see you around for breakfast so I got you some food" He put a napkin with a croissant, a bunch of strawberries and some pastries on the bed.
"I mean you can't blame me, the experience of sneaking into the Gryffindor tower is one in a lifetime" he reasoned.
"How did you even- you know what never mind" that boy is weird.
"So what's up Lupin, or should I call you Black now?"
I glared at him as he ate one of the strawberries, sitting opposite to me on the bed.
"Your attempts at joking are super lame Nott"
"Ahh easy love, my charming jokes are a statement for the ladies" him and his stupid nicknames.
"Well I'm not one of your ladies"
"Soon will be" he shrugged, swallowing his food casually.

I resisted the urge to kill him, resorting to eating some of the food he brought. After a while a silence, Nott, ofcourse, broke it.
"What are you going to do" his question was genuine, deprived of all sarcasm. I sighed.
"I don't know, I guess I'll just wait and let time do it's thing"
"Well, isn't everyone's family a little fucked up" he said softly. I looked into his eyes, what he said was genuine, he meant it. We stared into each other's eyes, each understanding the other without words. I offered him a tiny smile which he returned back.
"It's just that I'm worried of what will happen now. I now dad, Remus, will never leave me and that I will forever be his daughter and he'll be my father, but now with Sirius in the picture I just don't know. I don't know what to do or say or how to act when I see him. I don't know if I'm supposed to treat him like a father, if I will be able to. You know, what if things get akward or he expects too much of me and I can't provide him that?" I just blurt it all out. I didn't know why I opened up to him specifically, I think it was that genuine moment that made me feel like I could trust him.

"Calm down Lupin, I totally get it. You know, when my mother died I didn't know how life would move on. I didn't understand how I was supposed to carry on living. But then, time went on and with it, every thing started coming together, slowly yes, but it did eventually." I just stared at him, lost of words. I've never seen Nott be serious let alone open up like that. I was genuinely amazed by it. If only he was like that more ofter, he would've been ten times more attractive. Not that he is attractive to start with.

"Thank you... Theo" in that moment, it only felt right to call him that. Theo. Maybe it isn't so bad after all.
"You're welcome Sara" and we smiled at each other, as if promising that this vulnerable moment will be kept a secret between us. Just me and him.