The boys angst

1. Narrator x Eddie 💔

This chapter is pure angst it involves self harm and suicidal thoughts

Please, if you or someone you love is struggling, help them by being there for them, and help you by letting others be there for you.

You are beautiful, you are loved, not only are you enough, but you are extraordinary.

Eddie's POV

"Fuuuck." I mumble, frustrated at the blaring alarm going off on my phone.

I didn't want to wake up today, but here I am, trying to encourage my body out of bed, simply because I had to clean my house. I usually never do, so I know it's going to be a mess.

"I'm not lazy, I'm just... ugh."  I sigh, forcing myself out of bed.

It was 10am and all the boys are supposed to be coming over at noon, we were all going to make a video. It had something to do with a mix of uno and gross food. I didn't really know any of the details, but they were hosting it at my house. I'm just hoping that they don't make a mess or throw up in my house. Then again, poor Josh does throw up every video.

I managed to finish cleaning my house, and it was 11:30.

"That's enough time." I muttered, walking towards my bathroom and closing the door, not bothering to lock it, no one was with me anyway, I was all alone, just as I deserved.

I looked in the mirror, staringing at my reflection. All the imperfections I pointed out to myself and hated about myself every single day, the dark circles and heavy bags under my eyes from nights on end without sleep being the worst of it.

Hidden in my medicine cabinet, there was a roll of bandages and a small box. The box was filled with clean blades. Some of them were from pencil sharpeners that I broke apart, some were razor blades that I broke, but all of them were small and clean.

I unwrapped my bandages that were on my arm from yesterday and grabbed one of the small blades, putting it close to my wrist. I took a deep breath and pressed down, pain turning into a sick and twisted pleasure as I watched crimson red trickle down my arm. I grab the blade and did it again, and again, and again, and again, each time hoping more and more that I would die. I started to cry, not because it hurt, I don't know why I was crying to be honest. I've been doing this for so long that the pain went away a long time ago, that or I just don't care anymore, I was going to die eventually anyway.

I felt a gust of air hit the side of my face, and I turned my head to look into the mirror to see what it was from, and through the mirror I saw Narrator standing there, locking eyes with me through the glass reflection. I dropped the blade, shocked to see him, and he looked at me, just as shocked. Of course he was shocked, no one has ever seen me like this other than myself until today. I usually use makeup to cover the mess under my eyes, and I wear hoodies to cover my arms, I keep hidden, I act happy, no one was supposed to know. No one was supposed to know.

"Is it noon already? No, it's only 11:35!" I thought, tearing up uncontrollably.

"Eddie..." He started gently, looking away from the mirror to face me directly.

"Please... Don't tell the others." I whispered, silently crying.

"I won't, I promise." He said calmly, picking up the blade from on the floor and putting it in the garbage.

He grabbed the bandages and wrapped them around the cuts on my arm. Once he was finished I stared at my arm, the tight and neat wrapping was something I wasn't used to, and I almost smiled.

"You hate me. Just say it." I whispered again, not able to find my voice, I was looking at the ground, continuing to cry without making a sound.

As soon as I finished my sentence Narrator pulled me into a hug, and I let out a quiet and shocked gasp. It was the first hug I had gotted in a while. It was warm and it made me feel safer. I started sobbing into Narrator's chest, and he hugged me tighter.

"If I hated you then I'd be a real asshole and a hypocrite." Narrator said once I stopped sobbing and broke myself free from the hug.

"What does that mean?" I asked, sitting on the bathroom floor, curling up into a tight ball, my back against the wall as I was talking to Narrator.

"It's obvious, you're my best friend Eddie, what kind of idiot would hate his best friend? Especially if they need to be loved." Narrator said, smiling at me softly, sitting down next to me instead of across from me.

"And the second part?" I asked, I heard Narrator let out a quiet hiss, probably regretting mentioning the hypocrite part.

"You don't have to tell me." I mumbled, looking at my knees and hugging them closer to my chest.

"No, you deserve to know." He said, rolling up his sleeve to show me his arms.

I was shocked to see small white lines and dots on his arms. They were hard to spot, completely invisible unless they were pointed out, and most of them were covered with tattoos, so they must have been from a long time ago.

"Before I joined the military, I was miserable and all I wanted to do was die, I'm lucky to be here today actually, because a lot of the time, my attempts almost worked. Once I was old enough, I joined the military to get my life back together, and I am very lucky that it worked, I'm happy now, and that's because I met so many good people. My brothers in arms, The Boys, and all my supportive fans." He said, then he rolled down his sleeves and stood up, reaching out his hand to help me up.

I took his hand and he lifted me up, then he grabbed my box of blades and threw them in the bin, then he looked at me, wearing the most serious expression I had ever seen.

"You have to promise me that you are never going to do that again. Let us help you." Narrator said, looking into my eyes, waiting patiently for an answer.

"I promise I'll try my best." I said, and I smiled, a real smile.

Narrator smiled and nodded, satisfied with my answer.

"Listen, anytime you feel like you want to hurt yourself, no matter what time it is, I don't care, you call me. Okay?" He asked, and I nodded again, hugging him tightly before backing up and following him out of the bathroom.

"Lets go to the kitchen, the rest of the group will be here really soon." Narrator said, and he looked at me curiously when I walked the other way.

"I need a hoodie or something." I mumbled, pointing to my bedroom, but Narrator shook his head and smiled.

"If you want a hoodie then that's fine, but I know they'll understand. We're all human, and a lot of us go through horrible times in our lives. They are your friends, they'll be here for you, always." Narrator said, walking down down the hall to get to the kitchen.

A few seconds later I heard welcoming cheers, meaning the rest of the group was here. I stood in the hallway for a few seconds, letting what Narrator said sink in. I decided to listen to him. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up, got some proper clothes on, and walked down the stairs, wearing a real smile, and a short sleeve shirt, and only a little makeup under my eyes. Narrator saw me first, and he smiled, I smiled back.

I know everyone saw my bandages, and I know everyone knew what I did and what was underneath the bandages, but my friends didn't say anything. It was nothing like I thought it was going to be. There were no dirty looks, no one pointed it out, no one treated me different, it was like a room full of human beings, nothing more and nothing less, and it felt so good to feel like I deserved to be human again.