The boys angst

4. Josh x Mully💔

You are so beautiful, everything about you is perfect. People love you. Your laugh, your smile, your humour, YOU, and everything about you is so so perfect. Love yourself, everything about yourself deserves to be loved, appreciated, cherished, respected, celebrated, and cared for. Stride to find people that are worth your time.
Don't waste your time on people who think they can fix you, there is nothing to fix.
You are the main character in the book of your life, make it your title.

Listen to toxic thoughts by Faith Marie

This is an angst chapter, it involves mentions of abuse and homophobia. (Don't worry, none of the boys are homophobic)

(Just to warn you, the first 2 letters of a really bad F word is said. Before you start hating, I'm allowed to say it but I don't. 😘)

Mully's POV

We were hanging out at Josh's house after a video, it was one that basically required us to stay awake for 24 hours, since that's how much time we gave ourselves to make a song. We were all dead tired since we only got around two hours of sleep.

Josh seemed to be the most tired out of all of us, other than Narrator, who was passed out on the beanbag chair that was in the room we recorded the song in.

I knew Josh was tired because he barely spoke, and if he did, it was mumbles and a series of grunts and groans that he expected us to understand as if it was real English. If I didn't know he had an all-nighter, I would have thought he was just really drunk.

Josh came out of his room wearing boxers and one of  my hoodies. It was a hoodie I accidentally ordered oversized, so I don't really know why I brought it with me, but I guess I'm glad I did since Josh got some use out of it though.

I noticed when he rubbed his face, the sleeves from the hoodie lifted to show his arms, and there was a pretty bad looking bruise on his wrist.

"What happened to your arm Josh? It looks like someone grabbed you." I said, and he looked at me curiously before he lifted up his sleeve again and looked at his arm.

He made a face as if he just remembered an unpleasant memory, but it quickly changed to a smile and he laughed.

"Yeah, I tripped." Josh said, and I knew he was lying, but pretended to buy it, making a quick mental note to talk to him about it later, more in private.

I knew about how he had a poor taste when it came to the people he liked, the only exception was Krissy, but he broke up with her and never told us why, and I started to worry about him when he started dating people that just screamed red flag. He has so much love to give, he just gives it to all the wrong people.

It wasn't long before all the boys went to bed, it was just me and Josh who were still awake, and I brought up his arm again, since we were alone.

"Hey, what really happened to your arm?" I asked, and he frowned and sighed, but gave in and started telling me what happened.

"I broke up with my ex today, he didn't take it well." Josh mumbled, his answer kind of shocked me, but I tried to keep my expression neutral.

"Wait, 'he'?" I paused, repeating what I thought he said.

"Yeah, 'he'. That's why I broke up with Krissy. I didn't want you guys to know." Josh said, he was quiet all the sudden and he was avoiding eye contact. I think he was afraid of how I would react.

I didn't care that he was gay, it didn't change the fact I saw him as a good friend, it didn't change how I think of him or how I see him, I just wanted to know he was safe.

"Why didn't you tell us?" I asked calmly.

"He told me that you and the others would hate me if they knew, so I didn't want to tell you about it." Josh said, still looking down, avoiding eye contact.

"What's his name?" I asked, and he looked up at me curiously, he was crying, and that made me angrier at whoever hurt him.

"Alex." He mumbled, he sounded heartbroken and defeated.

"You know where he lives?" I pushed.

"I can't tell you, he'll find out I was the one who told you, I'm scared what he'll do." Josh said, shaking his head.

"It's okay, we can call the cops, we can't let him get away with this, he hurt you." I said, my concern only rising. 

"No, it's not okay, anything that happens to him, he'll blame me. I'm not safe so long as we try to do something about this, just leave it alone Mul. I'm fine." Josh said, he was looking at me with a stern expression, and I threw my hands up defensively, about to drop the conversation, but he flinched hard.

As soon as I saw him flinch, my heart shattered, I pulled him into a hug, in all honesty, I didn't know what else to do.

"You know I would never hurt you right?" I asked quietly, my head resting comfortably on his shoulder, waiting patiently for an answer.

"I know, I'm sorry." He mumbled, and I didn't know wether to smile or to frown, and it ended up being a twisted mix in between.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Josh, you know that." I whispered, trying my best to comfort him.

Just then, Josh's phone rang, the contact said Alex, and I picked it up before he could answer it himself. Josh tried to get me to put the phone down, but I ignored him and signalled for him to be quiet, eventually he gave up and leaned closer to me so he could hear what Alex was saying.

"C'mon Bebe I'm sorry I hit you, just come back to my place, alright? I need you." Alex said, he sounded like a douche and I laughed.

"Sorry, Josh's sleeping, he doesn't want to talk to you anymore." I said, only half lying.

"Who the fuck are you? Did pretty boy find a new boyfriend already?" Alex asked, he was angry, and that made me laugh even more.

"What's it to ya?" I laughed, Josh looked at me with a concerned expression, trying to get me to stop talking to him, but I ignored Josh again, and continued to mess with this Alex guy.

"Listen, you tell that bitch that we ain't over yet. Nobody else is gonna love him like I do." Alex said, with his tone of voice, it sounded like he was threatening me, but I brushed it off again and focused on what he just said to me.

"Do you hear yourself speaking right now? You know how toxic and pathetic you sound mate? Fuck off." I shouted.

Josh stood up an went to the kitchen, and I took that as a chance to be more serious with this guy.

"You don't even love him do you?" I asked seriously, talking in a hushed tone since I didn't want Josh to hear it from the other room.

"How could anybody love him? He's a fucking fa-" I hung up on him before he finished his sentence, and I blocked him from Josh's phone.

I turned off his phone and putting it on the charger, I walked into the kitchen to check on Josh.

"You don't have to see him anymore." I said, looking at Josh. He was leaning on the counter and hands were shaking.

"You didn't have to do that." He whispered, and I hugged him again.

"You weren't going to do it for yourself." I said, rubbing his back gently, only letting go once he did.

"I know." Josh mumbled.

"Let's go to bed, it's late. We can talk anytime okay? No one else has to know, but trust me, no one's gonna hate you just because you like guys, okay?" I said. He nodded and walked to his room, and I jumped onto the couch and passed out.

In the morning, Josh came out to everyone, and he insisted that if his sexuality made anyone uncomfortable, he was okay with that, but in reality, the fact that Josh trusted everyone enough to tell them in the first place brought them closer together. Nothing changed.
Nothing's new.
Team gae got a new member.