The boys angst

11. Josh x Juicy 💔

THIS IS AN ANGST CHAPTER BECAUSE I'M SAD
(I got harrassed by my ex bf but we're all good)

This chapter is angst and involves self harm, and eating disorders

Enjoy.

Juicy's POV

We were on a discord call, in our separate gaming rooms in the house. We were doing a "you laugh you drink" video, and we asked Dose to send us some videos. Like always, he presented us a google doc with 50 videos on it within 5 minutes.

It's like he has a bunch of google docs saved for whenever we ask him for one.

I looked at Josh, he was smiling, and it made me smile. Everything about him made me smile. His laugh was contagious, so I had to try hard not to laugh whenever he did.

That all changed when I fell in love.

I started having feelings for Josh not to long after the drunk cooking video we made in Japan. Josh got drunk. Josh got drunk, and alcohol makes him fucking gay. He kissed me. He fucking kissed me. I kissed him back. He said he loved me. I said I loved him too. No one saw it, no one knew, and no one remembers but me.

I still remember how hurt I felt when I woke up the next morning on Josh's couch, and he walked down the stairs and looked at me dead in the eyes, and said the very words that killed me on the inside.

"Dude, did I do anything stupid last night? I can't remember a thing." He mumbled, rubbing his head, thanking Narrator when he handed him a cold glass of water.

"No, you just passed out when the video was over." I lied, scrolling on instagram, checking out my latest follower's profile. They mostly posted about music, and I got bored after scrolling through songs I had never heard before. Most of them were garbage anyway.

That day I locked myself in my room and cried until I fell asleep. When I woke up again, I cried until I lost my voice. I cried until my throat felt raw and my lungs felt tired. I cried until I realized there was nothing here for me if Josh didn't love me.

It sounds so stupid, I know. I know. I know. Hurting yourself, killing yourself from the inside out, wishing you were dead, all because of some boy. Some boy who didn't even like you. Some boy who only sees you as a friend.

Now were here, two weeks later, I'm sitting in a discord call, in my office, looking at the little box on my screen with Josh's face in it, wishing that I had never fallen for him. My camera was off, since I didn't want anyone to see me. I looked like shit. I was pale and skinny, I just looked gross. I just told the Boys that my camera wasn't working. My voice was raspy from being overused so badly from crying, so I used a voice changer. They couldn't know I was hurting. If they knew, they'd ask why, and they can't know why.

Once the video ended, I finished the bottle that I used for whenever I laughed, and then sat on my bed, drinking instant coffee I made with tap water from my bathroom.

"I don't care if it's four pm that's fucking breakfast." I mumbled, tossing the empty alcohol bottle and empty coffee mug off my bed. They both landed on my carpet, so they didn't break.

My mini fridge ran out of snacks a while ago, but I didn't leave my room. I had instant coffee, water, goldfish crackers, and G-Fuel, and that's all my stomach would let me have before I'd throw up, well, before I want to throw up, or before I'd make myself throw up. Most people don't call coffee a proper breakfast, but I do, and I didn't care about what it does to my body. If I die, so fucking what? I wanted to anyway.

I looked down at my thighs, which were bare since I was wearing shorts. They were itchy. A kind of itch that my hands couldn't get to. A kind of itch that feels so good to scratch, but then it hurts so fucking bad when it's all said and done. The red, white, and purple lines covering my thighs, and the new bleeding ones I had just made said it all.

"Hey Juice, you haven't come out of your room for a while, what are you doing?" Someone- Narrator asked through the door, knocking on it lightly.

"I'm sick, I don't want to give it to anyone else." I said after clearing my throat, and in my opinion, it was true.

There was silence that followed, an uncomfortable silence that made me think Narrator knew something.

"I'm coming in." Narrator said through the door, twisting the knob and opening the door before I could protest.

"No get out!" I yelled, throwing my green gang plushie at him, but he caught it and set it down on the chair in the corner of my room, which was covered in clothes and garbage.

"Listen man we're worried about you. I haven't seen your face in two weeks and I thought something was up. Seeing all this just confirms it, so start talking." Narrator said. His voice was gentle yet stern, but I shook my head, I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I wasn't asking Juice box." Narrator said, his voice stayed the same, so it wasn't threatening or anything, I was only scared because I thought I was gonna tell him everything.

After a long bit of silence, Narrator sighed and started cleaning my room. I took that as a hint that he wasn't going to leave until he got the truth.

"I love him." I whispered, and he paused and turned to face me.

"He said he loved me. He said he loved me but he didn't mean it. It was just the alcohol talking, a-and I fell for it. I- I thought he loved me back." I said, everything spilling out in a choked sob.

"Juicy..." Narrator started, but I just started screaming at him.

"There, now you know. Now you fucking know. Now get out!" I screamed, and Narrator apologised and left the room, leaving the door open, but I was too dizzy to get up and close it.

Narrator's POV

Juicy screamed at me, and I realized that I made a mistake. I shouldn't have pushed him. I shouldn't have forced him to tell me, but I couldn't take it. I saw everything.

I saw everything.

His room, his body, his scars. I saw everything, even before I stepped into his room. I saw what happened two weeks ago.

I knew who he was talking about. I knew without a doubt who he loved, and I was angry.

I stepped into Josh's room without knocking and saw him watching instagram reels in his underwear. He looked up at me, taking his earbuds out.

"What's up?" He asked.

"I hate to do this, but you have to know. It's about Juicy." I started, and he put his phone down and sat up.

"He... Two weeks ago, you-

"Kissed him. I know." Josh cut me off, looking away.

"I didn't want to ruin everything by admitting I liked him, so I just pretended not to remember anything. I just ended up making everything worse than it would have been if I actually told him." Josh cried, and he let out a shocked gasp when he saw a shadow near the door frame.

I sighed when I saw Juicy step into the room slowly. The door was open, so he must have heard Josh's confession. Josh stood up right away and walked to Juicy, pulling him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry I lied to you, I love you." Josh said, and I watched Juicy's eyes widen when Josh admitted his feelings.

"Um, N-Narrator, can you leave please?" Josh asked, and I nodded, heading out the door and shutting it behind me.

I'm glad that got worked out. Now Juicy's room needs to be cleaned.