"Peopel in high school are always so shallow, they judge you as soon as you breath.'
Hawkins is a new start for the music obsessed Y/n, even though she isn't particularly happy that she had to move and the only Person she knows there who is her age...
It's 1 am sunday, i went at home from the party. Y/n went home earlier, i told her that i could bring her home, but she said it's fine, that she doesn't life that far away from here, so i gave her my number, i told her to message me when she's home, it was smart i care about her saftey and i wannted to have her number.
10 minutes later after our ways parted she writes me
>> hey it's me y/n, i'm at home so dw, also goodnight sleep well :) <<
I couldn't respond earlier, i saw the message but i couldnt write back, because i was in another Business i got good cash out of it. So i stayed at the party for about until a hour ago. I saw Gareth,i talked to him he was searching for his cousin, i told him that i saw her leaving earlier, he looks at me slightly concerned. Since then Guilt is filling me. I kissed y/n. How could i do this to Gareth? He was already Paranoiad. I can't fuck this Friendship up, i barley have friends and family, he is my best freind, he knows me the best, what i did is terrible of me, i fell super dirty and disgusted, i'm a awfule friend. We didn't had sex, but adoring her is not okay, it's wrong, i should'nt like her. I should respect her as a friend.
I fall on my bed, it's comfortable and fluffy, i grabe my phone out of my pocket, the lockscreen is facing me, i still see y/n's message, a smile apears on my face when i'm thinking of her face those sweet lips and her kindniss, my heart isn't just betraying me it's also my head.
I should'nt have kissed her, i should'nt feel this way... i like her but that's not good. I messed up, i think i have to take a step back, as much as it hurts.
My look wanders to my guitar. Nobody would care if i would play right now because no ones home. So i do it, i play, i don't play with a pick right now because they were still in my car from band practice, so instead i play with my hand, the sides of my guitar feel easy on my Fingers.
At first i play a slow song, then i play a faster song to challenge myself, i end up playing harder and more driven by emotions.
Pain stings in my Hands, it's not as bad as it was when i startet playing but it's an uncomfortable feeling at first, so i stop playing.
Time to go in bed then, if i don't have anything to do, why stay awake for nothing? It's comforting to know that people can sleep at the same time as you, it's fascinating when you are awake, one of the few people to not sleep.
Y/n's pov:
Tuesday morning, how i hate this morning already, oh, how awsome it would be to be not in school right now...
I stand in the hallway grabbing some stuff from my locker, i feel miserable, i don't really have reason for feeling this way. The way i feel might be because when i wrote Eddie that i'm at home, he didn't write anything back, at first i thought that he might forgot to Text back. Then i thought about it some more and came to the realisation that he doesn't have to respond, but in the back of my mind i thought he doesn't actually like me the way i do. Yesterday he seemd much colder towards me, which cemented everything... all of this isn't really a good reason why i feel the way i do, i mean, it was doomed from the start, he isn't the realitionship kind of guy.
I feel like everyone is looking at me, since yesterday, it feels i can see them whisper, maybe i'm just imagining things.
I barley slept the last two days because i had a few weird dreams. Some where about what could have happend on Friday i screamed 'stop please' in all of them, but they never did, until i woke up with my heart beating so fast it felt like it would jump out my heart, those dreams might be where the Paranoia comes from.
I also am still sad about Gracie and Sarah.
I wrote down my feelings wich i sometimes do, they ended up being poams, like they mostly do, i love my poetry because it Shows me who i really am but, i know it's not good.
Barely anyone is in school yet, i got there early so after gathering the things from my locker, i wander down the empty hall.
Something jumps in my eyes that leads me to look at it closer. Turns out it's our school Board, i analyse it, a big list of canidates for school President, four smiling face greet you on the paper, i reconise one face, Silver is a canidate, i read the box underneath her picture there was the qustion: 'what do you wanna do to change the school?', her respond: 'i would like to stop the bulling'... which is ridiculous and made me chuckel. Then there are a few ads for extracurricular activities, i even saw the one for the hell fire club, a few that struck my interest were creative writing Club for poams and stories, Theater club and art club, i stand there not even abel to decided if i would like to do a extracurricular activitie, suddenly a girls voice askes me "intressted in a Club?" "multiple, i'm just not sure which to choose"
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I study the girl to my left, short brown hair, a nice smile, pearl earings, a light pink top with light blue Levis pants that she peared with white addias Superstar shoes, " you can always trie them out, i'm in creative writing, before this i was at the school news" there wasn't any judgement from her, i like her already, she gave off a comfortable vibe that i enjoyed. "One of the things i'm Interessed in is actually creative writing, is it fun?" "If you like writing it is, do you write?" " i write poams, but i don't think there that good, occasionally i write Storys but i never finish them" i tell the brown haired girl,she doesn't have to know that my poatry is very personal to me. "Your poams can't be that bad, you know if you would like to be a better writer you could join us, just think of it" she smiles. "I'm still not sure" "What are your other options?" "theather and art club" "I assume that you are very creative then" "Yeah i would say so, in my opnione all of Art goes hand in hand, like you can illustrate a poam with art or sing a song with the way you feel or you can play a scene in a theather that dicribels the way you feel or see the world" i explain to her "That's a beutifull way of seeing this, well i've gotta go now, i guess i see you around the school or my maybe in creative writing." "Yeah maybe"
So the conversation with the lovely girl has come to an end, and i think i have settled on creative writing, just because she was so nice, if i only i asked her name.
That's the problem with me i can only have one sided Conversations because i'm super awkward. Maybe that's why Eddie is so cold to me, i toke up to much space from him, did i let him talk? Was i self absorbed and just talked about myself? I can't even remember, but if i did, i would be a awful person, Jesus Christ i'm pathetic. I want to disappear, dear earth please swallow me so i can disappear.
-------------------------------------------------------------- I have a small playlist for this chapter. 1. Paranoiad by black Sabbath 2. You d be Paranoiad too if everyone Was out to get you by waterparks 3. Sleep By my chemical romance 4.ballad of a homeschooled girl By Olivia Rodrigo
Hi my loves so i hope that you like this chapter, i'm rn on vacation and my phone did not work for almost a day, it's working now but i don't know how long it will last (i hope that it will work just fine from now on) so i don't know if there will be days where i won't be abel to post. :/
