Chapter Thirty-Two.

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Nyshard brought me to his rooms, and asked me to stay there.

Like hell I would. I was still angry, and our conversation hadn't solved anything.

No. In fact, it only made me realise that he would rather push me away again than accepting that I had the same right to care for him. If his words had proved anything to me, then it was the fact, that Nyshard would always... and really always put what he thought was my wellbeing over what I wanted.

No matter if I wanted to be with him. If he came to the conclusion, that it would endanger me, he would give up on us.

Give up on us.

My heart clenched at the thought, even though I knew that a lot of things spoke against 'us'.

I wanted to have this bit of happiness for as long as it was granted to me. But pushing me away, ending whatever, we had – I would only accept it if he told me he had no feelings for me other than friendship.

Love? – I wasn't certain.

But I knew he was attracted to me, and not only to my body. We were close. He couldn't deny that.

And I wouldn't let him push me away again, not because of that.

But after Brayhd had interrupted us and told us of the court meeting, Nyshard had insisted on bringing me here and we hadn't had any other opportunity to talk about it. And we weren't finished to talk about it.

Maybe, we would never be.

Maybe, whatever we would do, it would always be difficult for us.

Sighing, I glanced around his room, took in the Drakaae that was placed on a cabinet, our bags...

I'd actually wanted nothing more than sleep, but I was too nervous, too angry and too riled up. Nyshard had asked me to stay here, but right now, I was in no mood to follow his wish. So, instead, I changed into my training clothes, took my knives as well as my bow as my sword – not the Drakaae – and went to search for someone I could spar with. I'd never spared with anyone else than Nyshard or Caaln, and both were at the court meeting from what I knew. Brayhd was there, too. And probably... even Dylana.

And what I was about to do – namely going to where some of the castle guards trained – would only enrage Nyshard more, but I needed an outlet for my anger.

At first, Nyshard had acted as if I was to blame.

But I wasn't.

As soon as I was ready and armed with all weapons I possessed, I headed out. Nyshard had placed a shield on the room, and I felt it when I got out of the door.

'Where are you going?', his voice immediately asked in my head, and I retorted 'I'll just gonna say hello to Srandi.'

I had secured the shard with a ribbon in my undergarments right at my chest. The necklace was still broken, but of course, Nyshard wanted me to have the shard with me all the time.

'Adriyele...' he began, but I cut him off. 'I'll be safe. I walk around with the knives you gave me, don't freak out now. Don't cage me in.'

My word seemed to have silenced him, because he didn't even answer.

As I strode along a hallway – indeed now wanting to go to Srandi first, so that he couldn't accuse me of lying – I almost got a bad conscience.

Don't cage me in.

Maybe, I shouldn't have said it.

I knew he had his responsibilities as a Lord, Slad, I knew. But I still wished he'd been able to cut off some more minutes to talk with me. He'd not even kissed me since we got back. Not really – or, only out of anger. And a huge part of me missed him while the other part of me wanted to get rid of that anger I felt.

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