maddie sturniolo: the triplets younger sister♡

75 - train to happiness

(macy's pov - a few days later..)
my whole life right now feels like i'm waiting for something.. waiting for something i know i am not gonna get. and that thing.. that's happiness. but why spend your life waiting.. when you can do something about it?
and that's what i was doing. this morning.

i walked up the stairs, and waited on the platform for my train. the sun was beginning to rise, and it was peaceful. i took a quick glance down at my ticket to make sure i was getting on the right train.
platform 7; 7:12am train to boston, MA.
that's right.
the time now was 7:05am, so 7 minutes until i leave this hellhole. i didn't know what the fuck i was doing.. and i know i'm stupid as fuck for doing this.. but i need to be back in boston, where i grew up and was happy. not in nebraska, without my friends.. and at the moment without my parents who are still in the hospital for my brother. and his condition isn't getting any better. i wish it could've been me instead of him who got hit by that stupid fucking car.
i needed a hug right now.
it was pouring down with rain and i think there was supposed to be thunder soon.. but it didn't matter, because i'd be getting the fuck outta here any minute now.
i decided to sit on one of the small benches on the platform which was sheltered from the rain whilst i waited.. and sat there.. alone, with my thoughts..
when my parents find out i'm taking a 6 hour train all by myself to boston they were gonna MURDER me.. but hey, it only cost $20 considering that i was basically a "kid." and i didn't care. they hadn't made any effort to see me, why would they even notice i'd gone back home?

the train arrived, and i got on and found a seat. then.. we were moving.
i smiled, starting to feel happy again, as i stared out the window, leaving nebraska behind. leaving everything behind.
this was the start of my happiness again.
i decided to turn on my phone so i could listen to some music, and as i was about to click on a suitable song to play, i got a message.
maddie.
fuck.. ive been ignoring her for days.. i need to respond...
and before any of you ask why i've been ignoring her, it's not because i'm mad at her. oh hell no, i could never be mad at maddie. i love that girl. it's because i'm mad with myself for leaving her. i know everything she went through whilst i was gone.. the beating up.. the bullying.. i could've been there to protect her. i'll never forgive myself for that. even though i know it's not my fault, i still feel guilty as hell. i just need to wait until i am safe in boston to give her a nice message back.
i had a whole plan set out for me.

(maddie's pov; 4:23am LA time)
the house was quiet, everyone was asleep.
everyone apart from me. i couldn't sleep. it seemed like i had a new problem every day.. first it was my period.. now it was macy. i couldn't stop worrying about her. my mind was full of crazy thoughts about her.
maybe she's not responding because she doesn't like you anymore and is ditching you, like sophie did. maybe she's not responding because she went missing.. maybe she's dead...
...
and that thought.. of her being.. i don't know, dead? i couldn't have that.
i looked to my right at matt, who was curled up under the blanket facing the other way, asleep.
i wish i could just fall asleep that easily. but my mind was racing. racing with uncertainty.

macy<3

You: macy please respond
i'm so worried about you
i miss you
are you ok?? what's going on??
i'm not gonna force you to talk to me if you don't want to, but did i do anything wrong?? i'm really missing you dude.
i love you
message me back when you can
🩷🩷

i decided to turn my phone off, and closed my eyes. trying to sleep.
i'm in LA. i should be happy right now. i'm with the people i love most in the world (AKA my brothers) but there's just something missing...
i cant stop worrying about macy.

(3 hours later, macy's pov)
i had been feeling very tranquil this whole journey. i'd turned my phone on do not disturb mode to block out any negative energy from nebraska in case my parents tried reaching out to me. i didn't need that right now. right now, i needed boston. and the rain drops which were dropped harshly against the windows were beginning to relax me a lot.
i decided to close my eyes for a bit, taking in the calm and serene atmosphere of the quiet carriage, when all of a sudden the train started to slow down. my eyes bolted back open.
why are we slowing down?? this isn't supposed to be happening!!! i'm supposed to be going to boston!!
i stared at around the carriage in confusion, and slightly panicking. another man who was travelling by himself unplugged his headphones, looking equally as confused, but then an announcement played on the speakers.
"hello passengers. i'm very sorry to announce, but unfortunately due to the extreme weather we are facing outside, we are having to stop at the next station which is situated in cleveland, ohio, and all passengers will need to disembark the train when we are there. once again, we are very sorry about this."
wha.. WHAT?????? FUCKING OHIO??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
"if you have a ticket which goes beyond cleveland, you can apply for a refund by heading to the customer service desk at the cleveland station and-"
forget fucking refunds. IM GONNA BE LOST. AND ALONE. WITHOUT ANY MONEY. in fucking ohio. which is MILES away from boston.

the train had arrived at cleveland, and i sped off the train and into the station to try and get some help on how the fucking shit i was supposed to get to boston. i was freezing and soaking from the rain, and then i saw the customer service desk was free, so i practically ran over to it. desperate for help.
"hi!!!" i panted, speeding over.
"hello there, how may i help you today?" the woman asked.
i exhaled, out of breath, clinging onto the desk for dear life. "do you know how.. i can... get to boston from here?"
she stared at me in almost disbelief.
"boston? when do you need to be there by?"
"oh.. um.. like TODAY??"
she stared at me again, then slowly shook her head.
"i'm sorry, sweetie. no more trains are allowed to leave the station today. have you seen the downpour? there's reports that a huge storm could be heading to chicago which is causing all of this, and it could go on for several days. it's just too unsafe."
i stomped my foot in protest, in disbelief. so now i was stranded in a foreign state i'd never been to before. and if you ask me, i don't think i ever planned on even wanting to visit ohio.
"i need to be there today.. i have nowhere to stay here..." i said, my voice breaking as i fought the urge to not cry. she looked bad for me, and i think that she genuinely wanted to help me, but there was nothing she could do.
"how old are you, sweetie?"
"fifteen."
she nodded. "and are your parents with you?"
i shook my head. "no. they're in nebraska, looking after my brother. he got hit by a car."
"oh, i'm so sorry to hear that.. do they know you're here?"
i shook my head, tears streaming down my face now.
"do they know you're safe at least?"
i didn't respond. i wasn't even sure about that.. i hadn't checked my phone since i got on the train. i froze, suddenly realising..
what the fuck am i doing.. what's wrong with me.. why did i do this..
oh my god- im a psycho.. what's the point in even trying to go to boston? maddie is in LA... i would have nowhere to stay.. what am i doing.
i always let my intrusive thoughts get the best of me, but this was BAD. this was BAD BAD. how was i going to get home.
to nebraska.