Alpha's Bid

Alpha's bid 13

Kinn 

His dreams kept him awake. Although he knew everything was a game of his subconscious, Kinn couldn't control it. Almost every night he was dreaming about the omega, helpless lying in a pool of his own blood, and him being too late to save him. This change in him had started after the whole incident, but he withheld that information from everyone. He just said left and right that he was tired and stressed.

Kinn had always been a rational person, but these nightmares took a toll on him. He was constantly on edge, unable to focus on his day-to-day tasks. The memories haunted him, and he found himself constantly replaying the events of that day in his head. He knew he needed to talk to someone about it, but he was afraid of how they would react. There was something more to his exhaustion and stress that he wasn't willing to share. It was as if he was carrying a heavy burden that was weighing him down and preventing him from being his usual self.

He woke up sweaty and tired almost every day. His hollow eyes and the purplish brown bags under his eyes made him look like a shell of his former self and drained him physically. He tried various techniques of meditation and sleep until he gave in and just dove into sleeping pills, which only made it worse. He had nightmares and could not wake up to stop them. After it happened two times, he threw away the pills and now he was back at it with insomnia, bad dreams and mental fatigue.

He hoped that with Porsche's return, his nightmares will cease to torment him. But ironically, even as Porsche was safe at home and shared a bed with him again after what seemed like an eternity away, he failed to escape from their ruthless clutches. Despite having Porsche in flesh and blood right before his eyes - out of danger's way and walking steady steps on the path towards healing, the torment and haunting visions of terror he experienced were still in his mind. More often than not, he would awaken to find himself instinctively wrapped around his beloved partner in a desperate attempt to soothe himself. His lethargic limbs enveloped around Porsche's body.

"You were speaking again in your sleep," Porsche whispered, brushing his lips against the other man's cheek as the older man woke up sweaty and disturbed 4 nights in a row now. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked with his voice still thick with sleep.

The other man shook his head, not wanting to talk about it yet, but just lay there in Porsche's arms. There was nothing more he could do than hold on to his man and try to get some comfort.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up....what hour is it?"

"Too early. But I am awake now, so are you going to let me know what is troubling you? You keep bottling it up but your distress pheromones are making me feel worse. And there is no way I am going to sleep now. I'm too stressed to rest."

"Do you want me to go to the other room?"

"Would you just stop?! it's bad enough that I can't go by myself to the bathroom. I feel even worse that I don't know how to help you when you're suffering in silence. Whatever you are going through, I want to help you. I'm stronger than I look and you know it. Hell, I'm the Phoenix."

"I know, but you are recovering and it's not fair for me to make this about me now."

"Kinn you do understand that your negative emotions are making my recovery go downhill and if we are mates, it's going to be a pain in the ass for me to heal. So whatever is bothering you, you need to trust me on this one and let it out. Cause it's not helping any of us. Whatever it is I won't freak out."

Kinn found himself in a state of confusion. Despite being aware of his irrationality and the fact that his negative emotions were overpowering him, he could not control himself. The thought of losing his mate had been too much for him to handle. He had been so worried and scared while Porsche was in the hospital, and he didn't know how to deal with those feelings. Deep inside, he was keeping another secret that no one knew except his own father. Not even his brothers were aware of it. He was carrying something heavy on his shoulders all by himself.