ᴰᴼ ᵞᴼᵁ ᵂᴬᴺᵀ ᵀᴼ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ ᴹᵞ ˢᵀᴼᴿᵞ?
"Kenneth."
He kept pacing.
"...and I met you. You weren't okay and it just broke my heart for some reason. How much can one person take? And I keep feeling this tug towards you, to check up on you but you're so stubborn...
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There is a distinct voice that sounds from the farthest corner of my mind that even in my dreams it yearns to be heard. Yes there are many voices speaking so loudly at the same time so it is shunned to the corners-so faint like a whisper. But yet unique that it stirs up something within me. It makes me weave through the throngs of my thoughts just to find it and hear what it has to say.
It weighs on me and feels like I'm going to find a treasure, something really important that my body, mind and soul anticipates.
Even as I awaken from sleep and stare at the chips and cracks on the ceiling wall my heart still weighs because there is something I must do, there is something I am missing out on. And out of nowhere there is a sentence that jumps into my mind as if being put there by someone else.
It says; From the rising of the sun to its setting great is the name of the Lord.
I do not know what it means and I don't have time to ponder on it because my six am alarm blares through the room. My hand is quick to put it on snooze before trudging to the window sill. From the rising of the sun to its setting. Countless days have I stood by this window watching the sunrise because of its beauty, marveling at the powers that are beyond me. Never did I think for a moment why it brought me peace within my heart to do so.
Every Sunday I would come stand here first thing in the morning because I didn't want to be caught unawares by the loud noises coming from downstairs. My heart would always beat in anxiousness that I find nothing soothes me as this does.
From the rising of the sun to its setting great is the name of the Lord. There is a message behind it. It fits together like pieces of a puzzle.
No one can claim to not know God. Maybe they don't know him as the Father but there is a God.
He is in the sun, the moon and the stars. He is in the wind that blows beneath my skin. He is in the sun as it rises and sets daily. He is in time and something as simple as our breaths. His name is in everything and we worship him in everything because frankly who else can measure up to him? Who else can cause the tides of the sea to turn? Who else controls all realms, even time, such a fickle thing yet he stands outside it.
There is a shift of energy in the room. It's almost suffocating but it feels like something great is in my midst. I want to turn my head to search around but my head feels like it's not responding, so I keep looking at the sun. It's about to rise slowly. My eyes twitch, my lips tremble and my heart feels wrung out like a wet rag. Something about this presence is making me vulnerable-this feeling I can not name-it makes me want to cry so I can pour out all my pain.
And yet it comforts me even as I am sad.
It feels like eternity before I can move. My feet lead me to my wardrobe. It's a bit messy, with my clothes dangling haphazardly on the hangers. Three to one but it's the least of my worries. If I can recall correctly what I'm looking for should be buried deep inside, among my clothes. There's a faint memory of me tossing it in there after coming home from church probably four years ago or something. It's really been that long. Sometimes time feels slow when in actuality it's moved so fast, tricking you into thinking you have more of it.
