𝑬𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝑻𝒐 𝒀𝑯𝑾𝑯

𝑿𝑿𝑰𝑽

A week passed by in a blur. Things were back to normal for me except every evening I attended a video chat session from the Discipleship class and worked on my religious life. It made things better because aside from that I spent most of my time in Lael's room studying for my upcoming mock.

Mom has been busy with the new business she was trying to start up now that dad was out of the picture. There were days when I missed him so much that I couldn't breathe because I think I pitied my dad and loved him a lot. And then there were days I was happy that I didn't have to carry fear in me any longer.

Currently I just finished a video chat with the class. Shepherd Jerome was teaching about prayer. It made me understand just how important prayer was to a Christian. It is a constant communion with God, an encounter we get to share with him. It solved my issue of loneliness when I felt he was far away. Until prayer fashions you it will not fashion your world. I made a mental note to set daily reminders to pray, even if it's just ten minutes. 

I heard a knock on my door. It was my sister with her blanket “Can't sleep.” she crawled under my bed, making herself comfortable beside me. She looked at the ceiling in thought. “I miss him.”

Half of my attention was on the post Isoke made on her WhatsApp status with the girls. Their after school nightly escapades made me feel a little left out but I didn't care. Changing circles was necessary for my growth as Peter said.

“Do you know what I've realized?” I asked.

She turned to me. “What?”

“We don't miss dad, we miss the person he was and the person we wanted him to become. He affected us a lot and it's time to move on. We have each other to support now. And mom needs us a lot too.” I've noticed how she's buried in work. When she's not she's locked up in her room.

“How's it going with your boyfriend? You haven't mentioned him after that day.” She changed the topic.

“I feel like I didn't get enough of a chance to get to know him but the attraction was there. It's poor timing. A lot was going on in my life and our worlds are too apart.”

“But you have his number.”

“So?”

“So? Call him, text him, get to know each other. Do… something! You'll just forget about him?”

“I don't want to be in a relationship at this stage in my life. It's not important.”

“But you would have been happy.”

“And guilty. If it's meant to be it's meant to be.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don't give me that. I'm really bummed out. I thought you'd finally get your romance novel moment.”

“That's not what my story is about.”

“It's a shame.”

“Yeah.” It didn't mean I didn't miss him. When Lael had fallen asleep I decided to call him. It was a spur of the moment thing. His number rang and rang until it hit the intercom voice of the lady saying the number wasn't answering. I was disappointed. WhatsApp brought the notification of the message he sent me weeks ago to my screen. 

_My only regret is that our timing wasn't right. I like you Binta and it's an honest feeling, I can't do away without it. I don't know if after some time it'll fade but please don't disconnect from me again.
_I’m just glad that we got to meet and that hopefully I impacted something in your life.
_I hope to see you around on my next break.
_Please reply to my text.

The last message made me even more guilty. He said again. Where did I know him from? I've always been an indoor child.

And then it struck me. When I was in Junior high there was a new student who had the students in a frenzy. My friends gushed about the senior who everyone was smitten with. But he was silent, spoke when spoken to and kept to himself. It was just one day that I remember.

The day I found him sitting in front of the neighbors house with a deep frown. He looked dejected. I wanted to approach him but at that time I was nervous so I ran up into my room to stare at him through my window.

That's it. The rest of my memory fails me. He ended up leaving the school after that term and he became a part of my past. And besides, Kenneth is a year ahead of me in school. Well a year and some few months because the education system of Nigeria is unstable. So it makes sense. 

Was that the time I left him? It's all so confusing. I had better sleep if I want to wake up early for school tomorrow.

My phone pinged.

_Ken
_Hey.

One more chapter to go.
I feel it's important to empathize on how this story was about Binta and her family, her struggles and how finding God wasn't easy for her to do.

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