Sign of the Times

You had to kill me but it killed you just the same.

Those six words rang in my head.

"She wasn't trying to save you."

Over and over and over.

"She wasn't trying to save you."

Sending shooting pain through my head each time.

"She wasn't trying to save you."

I really didn't want to believe it. I couldn't.

"SHE WASN'T TRYING TO SAVE YOU!"

She wasn't trying to save me.

That can't be right though, she was my mother. She wanted me to live. She put me to bed each night with a prayer to the gods to keep me safe, to not let me face the tragic fate of many other heroes before me. To let me be the one to get the happy ending.

She wasn't trying to kill me. She couldn't have been trying to kill me.

"Emelia?" Thalia's voice echoed off the walls of the room. I didn't answer. After those six words embedded themselves into my mind I don't remember much. Somehow I ended up in this big empty room that was too small to hold my thoughts. "I know you're in here."

"Thalia, you need to leave," I said, my voice dark, angry.

She walked over towards me but stopped in her tracks when I came into her view.

I knew I didn't look good to start out with. I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the gold when I first walked in. My face was sickly thin and pale with eyebags darker than a black hole themselves. My clothes were all torn up and it hung loose over my much thinner figure. This quest and holding the sky took its toll on me and some.

"Yeah, I know I look like shit, no need to act all surprised," I responded to her sudden stop.

"Emelia," Thalia said, her voice almost fearful.

"Please just leave, Thalia. I can't deal with this right now." She shook her head.

"Emelia, you-"

"Thalia, I said leave." My voice was thicker and full of more anger, I could feel it building up in me, reaching the brim of overflowing, but I didn't care. I was angry. I was more than angry. With the gods, my mother, but mostly myself. How could I have let myself be that naive?

"Emelia, you're not okay right now!"

"No shit!"

"You need someone!"

"No I don't!" It felt like an earthquake, the whole room shaking and crumbling beneath my feet. Literal cracks surrounded me, creating a physical barrier between me and Thalia. The release of my anger didn't diminish it, though, it only made it burn stronger.

I made eye contact with Thalia, whose fearful eyes shifted more into horror.

"I don't need anyone." My voice was low, almost silent.

"Just because-"

"Just because what? Just because no one trusted me before because I was a child of Hades doesn't mean they won't trust me now? Just because my mother was shipping me off to Kronos to be sacrificed like an animal, I don't need to close myself off? Just because I can't trust any memory or morals I grew up with doesn't mean I can't trust myself?"

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention my mother wasn't only not trying to save me, but actively trying to get me killed. She wasn't a hero, she was just another one of Kronos's slaves. Poseidon wasn't the villain in the story, he was saving the whole world, saving me.

I was going to be held with Kronos until I turned 18 then I would be dead. Fostered by Kronos himself just to die. And she was going to let him.

I figured this out in between Thalia being appointed a hunter and Percy being treated like the best thing since sliced bread. 

Poseidon decided to drop that bomb and the air in the room thinned so I just ran to the first place where it was quiet and I was alone. Well, was previously alone.

Thalia is silent, looking down at the ground where the cracks are growing without me trying. The horror in her eyes made me laugh which only deepened the concerned look on her face. It wasn't a laugh of enjoyment, no, the opposite.

"Look at you, scared of me. I guess you really can't trust me," I said to her. Her face contorted in a way that I couldn't read what she was thinking. "But don't worry, I'm just as afraid of myself. Maybe Poseidon should've just taken me down when he had the chance."

A/N 

hey . . . it's been a while.