ambivalence (kellic)

Chapter 3

Kellin's POV

I sit at my usual spot on my dad's boat at the pier close to my house. I always come here every Sunday afternoon because it gives me time to think. My mom bugs me about it sometimes because I should be doing chores or something and my dad just thinks it's weird. That's never stopped me before though and it won't stop me now.

I lean against the seats and analyze the different shapes the clouds made. Sometimes I wish life could be as simple as cloud watching. I pull out the cigarette I keep behind my ear and light it with the lighter in my jacket pocket. Smoking is a habit I've picked up over the last few months and I haven't planned on quitting anytime soon. My mind was begging to be at ease but my thoughts couldn't help but roam all over the place.

"How's stuff with you and Fuentes?" Alan's voice circles around in my head.

I'm invisible to him. Every now and then I think that maybe I was always just invisible to Vic. I exhale the smoke and sigh as it collides with the patterns of the sky.

"Kellin you've got to stop doing that. It's bad for your health you idiot." I hear a small laugh behind me and smile to myself.

"Oh hey Robin, long time no see huh?" I turn and give the dark haired girl a hug as she scrunches her nose.

"I don't want to smell like cigarettes Quinn, let go of me." she giggles again.

Her laugh is always so comforting. Robin is my best friend and I'm not sure what I'd even do with my life without her. I give her arms a squeeze before letting go and putting out my cigarette to please her.

"Where've you been? It's been a week or so and I haven't seen you anywhere! I called a bunch too... Best friends don't leave without telling each other, Rob." I cross my arms and try to look mad but I fail. I can never be mad around her.

"I haven't been feeling too good so I stayed with some friends out of town for a while. I didn't want to trouble anyone and I hadn't seen those guys in ages. I'm sorry, I should've called or something, I know... What about you? How are you lately?" she asks me as she fiddles with the zipper on her jacket.

"I've been ok I guess. Trying to stay out of trouble." I smirk.

"Yeah right!" Robin rolls her eyes as she shoves her hands into her pockets.

We talk a little more about the stuff that's happened over the past couple days and eventually I walk her home.

"I saw Fuentes today...on the bridge. He looked kind of sad. Would you know anything about that?" she slips Vic into the conversation like I knew she would.

If anyone knows how I feel about Vic as much as I do, it's Robin. Robin knew about it from the start and every little detail.

(Flashback starts)

I was on the playground slowly swinging my legs back and forth on the swings when Vic came up to me. His hair was in his eyes and his head was down. Vic was always the cheerier one out of the two of us so immediately I was concerned.

"What's wrong buddy? Did Mike hide your stuffed monkey again? I know how much you hate when he does that." I looked up at him expectantly.

"No that's not it...and I told you not to talk about that kind of stuff at school..." He scolded me.

"Sorry, won't happen again..."

He stayed quiet and shook his head.

"What is it then?" I was confused. Vic never hesitates to tell me anything. Never.

"Kellin I-" he stopped himself and sighed. He looked up at me and I felt frozen.

"K-kellin we can't be f-friends anymore..." he mumbled.

"Did Jaime make you say that? You told me how much he loves joking around..." my voice was quieter than usual.

"No, Kellin. This is me telling you this because our friendship is o-over." Vic stuttered.

A million things were happening in my little brain that I couldn't handle. Vic was my one and only. He was my everything and God we were just kids. I needed him.

"Over? But why? What did I do?" my voice trembled.

"It wasn't you I just...don't be like this Kellin. Don't make me feel bad..."

I got pretty mad at that. Make him feel bad? I'm losing my best and only friend and he feels "bad"? I tried to turn around but the swing whirled me right back to face him.

"The daytrotters said they want me to join them and that's something I can't say no too. I need the protection Kellin, for Mike and I. You know how hard he has it sometimes and you can't exactly save me either and well Oli and I are kind of friends now too..." Vic explained lowering his voice on the last part.

"Oli? From gym class Oli?" He was known to get by with practically anything and I hadn't seen him lift a finger during gym all year. Vic nodded and chewed at his lip.

"Fine! Leave! Go be a stupid daytrotter with your stupid friends! I don't care! I never did..." I was upset and throwing words around and I didn't mean any of it.

Vic had given up on me so I gave up on myself. He looked like he was going to say something but I ran away before he could get the last word. I escaped into the restroom where I broke down and let out the sobs I tried to hold in. It was when I stopped crying that I noticed someone else was in here with me.

Sat in a corner was a girl my age with longish black hair and shiny dark eyes. She looked like she'd been crying too.

"Why are you crying?" she whispered.

"You're crying too you know...so why are you?" I countered back.

"I asked first but whatever... I d-don't have any friends so that's why I'm crying. Now your turn." She spoke timidly and wiped her eyes.

"My best friend Vic doesn't want to be friends anymore so I have no one now..." Saying it just made me realize even more how horrible it was to a kid.

"This Vic boy sounds like a jerk...we could be friends if you want...?" she looked a bit hopeful and that warmed my heart. I nodded happily.

"I'm Robin. What's your name?" her eyes seemed to gleam with happiness now.

"I'm Kellin." I smiled back.

"Well Kellin you do know you've been crying in the girls bathroom for about 15 minutes right?" she laughed.

I turned red and looked around. This definitely wasn't the boys bathroom.

"Oh uh um yeah I uh well I'll just uh see you later Robin!"

(Flashback ends)

And she was how I filled that empty spot that Vic had left. Despite how much I loved Robin though...she was no Vic.