ambivalence (kellic)

Chapter 6

(A/N: The italicized stuff in this chapter are flashbacks and Vic's thoughts about those flashbacks. Ask questions if you get confused! I actually got sad writing the beginning of this because I've had so many problems when it comes to friends honestly.)

Vic's POV

"Fine! Leave! Go be a stupid daytrotter with your stupid friends! I don't care! I never did..." He screamed at me.

I'd never seen him so angry in my life. I opened my mouth in an attempt to say something that could make the situation better, but he ran away from me before I could form a single syllable.

I guess that was it then. That was the end of Kellin and Vic. I'd always thought we'd be friends until the day we died, but I was so far from being right. Kellin was the kind of person that didn't hold anything against you--well until this point. You could tell him your darkest secrets and he wouldn't judge you; he wouldn't even flinch at the somber thoughts I'd let seep out of my head. Honestly, I lived through a relatively nice childhood, the only problem was that I had an annoying tendency to second guess myself...at everything.

When Kellin and I first became friends, I worried almost every day I was with him that he secretly hated me. I mentioned this a few times a couple years later, and his big blue-green eyes would always widen and slowly blink while his mouth twisted into a frown. He'd say the same thing every time I brought this subject up,

"Vic, a life without you is not a life I want to live."

I'd always thought that was a pretty bold statement, even for him.

Kellin wasn't like other kids though. He'd been through quite a bit. His parents used to be so overprotective over him which is why it was such a surprise that he was even allowed to make friends. I considered myself to be the luckiest boy in our town. I got to be the best friend of Kellin Quinn Bostwick, the quirky kid with dark hair, gems for eyes, and a heart bigger than you could imagine.

I remember that day I broke it off with Kellin picture perfectly. I didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day at school. I didn't even talk to Mike when our mom picked us up. I ran straight into my room and blasted my favorite blink-182 album because it used to be Kellin's favorite thing to listen to when he came over. I sobbed until my eyes burned and hid under the blankets.

I'd never hurt so much before and it was so confusing and painful to endure. I'd never put so much trust and effort into someone like I did with him. I'd never met someone that made me as happy as he made me.

I was so mad at myself for letting Oli and the rest of them dictate who I could and couldn't be friends with. I gave up the one person that understood me. At the time, with me being as stubborn as I was and still am, I thought that the best way to rid myself of this guilt was to pretend like none of it ever happened.

I was going to erase my mind of Kellin Quinn.

It started with throwing out all of the material things that reminded me of him. Unfortunately I wasn't brave enough to actually throw them away so I decided to angrily throw them into a box that now sits in the back of my closet. Then I stopped doing things we'd do together like talk on the phone for hours, go camping, and play board games. Anytime anyone brought up those things I'd get really mad and lock myself in my room. I was overly dramatic about the whole thing, but I didn't care. The final thing was to ignore him which I found incredibly hard to do and immediately regretted it when high school started. How was I supposed to survive four years of hell without my best friend?

"...with Victor Fuentes." A deep voice breaks me out of my thinking.

I honestly don't even know why I was thinking about something that happened so long ago. Must've been my lack of sleep. I have Oli to thank for that. He thought it'd be a great idea to sneak out last night and spray-paint some abandoned buildings. I'm not going to lie I did have a little fun, but I was extremely tired. Oli, Alex, Jenna, and this girl we know, Sam, were having the time of their lives. I would've too I guess if I didn't care that it was two in the morning and we all had school tomorrow. Oli was homeschooled now (he doesn't like talking about it) so it didn't really matter how long he stayed out I guess.