The Forgotten Light

17. Kaelen

Kaelen didn't pay attention to the dreams, most of them he didn't even remember. At least that's what he told himself. In fact, he no longer distinguished his memories from his dreams. Everything blended into one and hurt just as much each time. He didn't know if standing in the ashes of Aeterna was one of the painful memories that couldn't go away, or another nightmare that haunted him over and over again. Probably both.

That night, however, he didn't dream of home or war.

He gazed at the large green eyes of the girl, because of whom his heart beat surprisingly strong and joyful. He felt something strange in his chest, something he feared most in the world, something he had denied all his long life. And now he couldn't resist this feeling, couldn't fight it, suppress it, silence it, bury it deep...

In Ritael's eyes he saw what he himself felt, the exact same feeling. With her delicate arms, she hugged him tightly around his waist. With a sigh, he closed his eyes.

He didn't want to fight it. He was already so tired of escaping into solitude...

He took the girl's face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. He felt indescribable relief and happiness. At last he wasn't alone. He felt his heart freeing itself with every beat from the burden surrounding it. He finally had someone to smile for, finally had someone to hold a hand, finally had someone to share life with...

He opened his eyes, and then out of nowhere there was a bang of gunfire. Ritael pressed against his chest, as if she had been pushed hard. Kaelen saw fear and tears in her beautiful eyes. Her arms around him began to weaken, she sank to her knees. He eased her fall, pulling her close to him.

"Ritael...?" he whispered panicked as her emerald eyes began to close. He jiggled her. "Ritael!"

He felt his heart breaking. How the despair overwhelming him tore it apart.

He knew that the girl would never revive again. Because of him... Because of the fact that he had stopped running away from the feeling, that he had allowed himself to be happy.

A cry of a being whose soul was being shredded came from his throat.

The burden that had previously slunk off from his heart now returned with doubled force. The pain of loss made Kaelen beg for the death he had feared for so many years.

The next bang of a gunshot was salvation for his shattered heart and soul. He fell on his back, his last thoughts focused on Ritael, to not let her out of his arms until the end.

Because he knew that this time would be the ultimate end.