Salvation of a Salvatore Sister

Let It All Burn

        "And then what did you do?" Jess asks over the phone. I pulled the car over onto the side of the road once I put at least a few hours between the Mikaelsons and I and called Jess right away, needing to process with someone else.

"I did what they all expected, I left." Now, so far away, the panic is starting to dwindle, but a small thread of it still lingers, stubborn and stuck in my blood, not allowing me to relax yet.

"Hmm," Jess mumbles.

I wait for her to say more, but she doesn't. "Hmm? That's it. That's all you're going to say. I just told you that I left and all you're gonna say is 'Hmm.'"

Jess sighs on the other line. I caught her on a night out, off somewhere abroad once again. The voices of people and music hum in the background. It makes me imagine her standing outside, leaning against some building as she lets me vent about my frustrations. "Well, did you leave leave or just leave?"

My brows furrow. "What does that even mean?"

"It means, did you just leave for the moment and you're going back, or are you leaving?"

I pick up on the words she's left unsaid. The ones she's keeping to herself right now because she can sense the fragile state I am in. "You mean am I upholding my pattern?" Another long sigh from over the line. "God, not you too, Jess. Just say it! I'm not some glass doll that one touch will make shatter."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean that you are okay either. You've been through a lot recently."

"Understatement of the century."

"And as your best friend, I don't want to say anything that would add to that, because yes, I do think your head is a bit fuddled right now, so I am not sure you're making the best decisions. And yes, I am wondering if you're repeating what you do in every relationship: leave when it becomes too hard or it starts to get too serious."

"Well, it is hard right now and it is serious, life and death serious, and I don't know how much more of it I can take..."

"But this is Klaus, Lily. The man that you have carried in your heart for decades, who you have let get in the way of every other relationship you've ever had. Are you really going to walk away from all of that because it's a little tough right now?"

"A little tough," I scoff. "A little tough does not even begin to compare-"

"Sorry," Jess cuts me off, her tone apologetic, "bad choice of words, minimizing, I know, and I take it back. I only mean to say that are you really going to just continue repeating this pattern of running, especially from someone you have claimed to be your greatest love, or are you going to stay and fight?"

Jess's words sit heavy on my heart as I think about them. I know she's right, I know I am just making myself out to be predictable and self-destructive, but I can't help it. I need to get away, away from New Orleans and all of its chaos, away from my loved ones who are always surrounded by drama and evil and death and sadness.

"I've tried staying and fighting, Jess, I have. But...," my voice drops to a whisper as I clench the phone in my hands harder, "what if I can't do it anymore?" I close my eyes. "The pain, the violence, the sorrow, it's there always, clouding every action in that city...clouding me, and I-"

"Jess, babe. Are you coming?" A male voice echoes through the line. The sound of the phone moving through the air before the noise from the other ends muffles leaves me to imagine Jess moving the phone so it presses against her as she answers her companion. Like she's trying to make it so I can't hear her. Unfortunately, my hearing is too good that I hear it all.