Mentally Hopeful • Ethan Cutkosky

17.0

"Jocelyn?" I heard Mia say through the door

I jolted up from my deep sleep and looked at all my cuts.
Great.
"Jocelyn?" I heard again
"Yeah?" I said
"Can i come in?" She said
I got up and opened the door.
"Hey" i said
"Hey"
"Is there anything you need?"
"Nope i just came to talk to you" she said
"What for?" I asked
"I walked in here last night and i saw the blade" she said

I was shocked and my face was expressionless. I could feel my whole body becoming numb.
I was thinking a million thought but no words came out.
"I--" i stuttered
"Why are you cutting yourself?" She said
"My life is horrible" i said
"I told mom and dad" she said casually
"What?! Why on earth would you do that?" I yelled
"I was concerned and scared" she said

My dad walked in and stared at me. I already knew what he was thinking, his face said everything

"Jocelyn come here" he said
"I put you in a mental hospital" he said

Did i just hear correctly? Did he say he put me in a mental hospital?I'm not crazy.

"Why? I'm not crazy or mental" i said
"You did self harm" he said
"We leave tomorrow at noon" he said
"How long will i be in there for" i said
"2 years"

Awesome! 2 years trapped in a mental hospital.

"Whatever" i said and walked away

I saw my mom making waffles and she was putting syrup on another.

"Mom?" i said
I just called her mom...
"Yeah sweetie?" She said
"Umm i was wondering if you could help me pack for tomorrow?" I said
"Oh honey you don't need anything" she said
"Oh i don't?" I said
"No"
"Oh okay"
"Here have your waffles" she said handing me a plate of chocolate waffles
"Thanks" i quickly ate them and went upstairs to get ready

I put on a Hollister sweater to cover up my cuts and skinny jeans with black vans.

I walked to pass by Ethan's house to see if he was there. I needed to talk to him.

*Ethan's POV*

I was sitting by my window when i saw Jocelyn walk up to my front porch. I went downstairs to wait for her to knock. I need her badly.
I heard a knock and opened the door.

"Ethan. We need to talk" she said
"Come in"
We walked up to my room and sat down on my bed
"Ethan i still like you and i'm staying at a mental hospital for 2 years" she said
"I do too but we can't be together and why"
"What why can't we be together?"
"Because it's wrong"
"Why?"
"If you love something you have to let it go. There she goes again, every morning it's the same, you walk on by my house i wanna call out your name. I wanna tell you how beautiful you are from where i'm standing. You got me thinking what we could, cuz i keep craving craving you, don't know it but it's true. Can't get my mind to say the words they wanna say to you. This is typical of love. Can't wait anymore wont wait i need to tell you how i feel cuz i wanna see us together forever. In my dreams your with me. We'll be anything you want us to be. And from there who knows maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the last time or is that just me and my imagination. I'm sorry we can't be together." I said with teary eyes.
"Ethan, i love you too much. Please don't do this to me" she said crying trying to hold my hand
"Ethan please" she said
"I'm sorry but we can't be together" i said
"Can i at least kiss you one last time?" She said
She leaned in and kissed me for the last time.
"I'm sorry" I whispered
"I can't get my mouth to say the words i wanna say to you" she said hugging for the last time.
"You have Tyler" i said
"It's not the same"
"You tell me you were happy you're with him but you want me to stay and you tell me that you needed time but you pushed me away. Make your choice" i said and held her hand for the last time ever
"I love you" she said and left

--

Author's Note:
I was crying when i wrote this 😭
Btw Shawn Mendes lyrics😋