My Darling (a Jimercury story)

Love Me Like There's No Tomorrow

-Freddie, I...

... I really like you too. You are so beautiful, god I didn't think I'd ever find somebody who loves me. So I am really happy to be your boyfriend as long as we go slow, he answered smiling his dimples showing.

-God Jim you make me the happiest man alive. May I kiss you? I asked really happy probably the happiest I have ever been.

-Yes you may, he answered still smiling and getting closer to me.

My lips got closer and closer to Jim's. He closed his eyes leaning in as well. Then our lips met for the first time. His lips felt like heaven and seemed to fit perfectly onto mine. The kiss was really sweet and it tasted like sleep.
I took the lead by placing my left hand on his waist and my right on his cheek. We moved our lips in perfect synchronization but as soon as the kiss got hotter Jim pulled away.
I was a little disappointed but I understood it was probably too much for him right now and he couldn't handle it.

-Sorry but it was too much for me, he apologized embarrassed.

-No it's okay Jim, you don't need to apologize, I understand you, I said reassuringly.

He just smiled at me.

-But you have to promise me one thing darling

-What is it?

-Please tell me if you have suicide thoughts again, okay? I just don't want to loose you, I love you so much

-I promise Freddie.

We shared a few slow and loving kisses before we got out of the bathtub.

-Freddie, do you have any clothes for me because I don't want to put on my dirty clothes of yesterday, Jim asked with the towel around his hips.

-Sure you can pick out anything you want, I said smiling

-Thank you, he said picking a black jeans and a navy blue sweater.

I dressed myself and I went downstairs with him holding hands. We sat down on the couch and I turned the TV on. I was sitting between Jim's legs, my head resting on his shoulder. He hugged me with his arms around my waist. Then suddenly the door opened and Joe came in closely followed by Peter.

-Liza, Phoebe, where have you been?

Jim was visibly confused when I addressed the two with female names.

-We went grocery shopping and we didn't want to wake you up, replied Peter.

They went to introduce themselves to Jim and explained the feminine nicknames to him. I was happy to see that they got along so good.

Later in their bed
(Jim's POV)

I really love Freddie, he always tells me how beautiful I am. I don't know why but I always tell myself he's lying although I know he really thinks so.
As my urge to cut gets bigger I excuse myself to the bathroom. I closed the door and took the razor. I know I shouldn't do it but it's erasing the pain, so I let the blade cut into my skin. I can feel how it's numbing me. It stings but it's such a relief. I added 6 fresh cuts to my arm. I wanted to clean the wound but as I tried to stand up from the floor my vision went black.
Freddie heard me falling on the floor and after he got no response when he asked if I was okay, he entered the bathroom.
I woke up to see a Freddie with tears in his eyes shaking, calling my name hoping I would open my eyes.
He probably doesn't want me as his boyfriend anymore now. I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore and looked down, my eyes watering.
I destroyed everything.
I started sobbing at the thought of being alone in my flat again.
That was when I felt a hand lifting my chin up and wiping the tears away. It was Freddie's.
He helped me to get up, he cleaned my arm and bandage it. Afterwards he brought me to the bed again.

-I'm s-s-sorry I-I cut again, I sobbed

-It's okay, I'm not mad at you it's not your fault. But please try to stop cutting. For me, please Jim.

-I t-tried but it's an addiction and it helps the pain to go away.

-I know, I know...

And with that the conversation between us. We whispered a goodnight to each other before my boyfriend wrapped an arm around my waist and one of his legs around mine.
At this moment I felt completely safe. Freddie gave me the affection I craved for so long.
I will try to stop with self harm for Freddie because I don't want him to find me again on the floor. I don't want him to be disappointed because I can't manage to resist the urge. I don't want him to leave me like others did. I don't want to be alone again.

Jim's dream
It was a hard day at work but I'm looking forward to the cuddle session with my boyfriend.
When I arrived at Garden Lodge it was quiet. I called Freddie several times but I got no response. I looked for him all over the house and the garden but Freddie wasn't home.
I decided to take a shower.
As I came out of the shower, I dressed in fresh clothes and walked downstairs.

-Freddie! I exclaimed when I saw him sitting on the couch.

I ran towards him but he kept me at a distance.

-I packed your stuff, now leave my house.

-But-but Freddie you're my boyfriend, I stammered.

-Oh no Jim, I never loved you but you were dumb enough to believe me.

Suddenly my ex was standing next to Freddie kissing him on the cheek with his hands firmly on his waist.
I started crying because I thought I finally found the right person.

-Be more of a man Jim, stop crying like a baby! My ex laughed

-Jim! Jim!! Hey, Jim!

I woke up when I heard my name. Freddie was awake looking at me worried.
I realised I must have been crying because my pillow was completely soaked.

-Hey Jim, are you okay? Why are you crying?

I couldn't answer so I just continued crying.

-God Jim it's okay, shhh, it'll be okay, Freddie tried to sooth me while hugging me.

- I h-had a nightmare, y-you said you d-d-dont love me and then - and then my ex joined you and h-he kissed you, I said after I stopped crying so hard.

-Jim, I'll never leave you, I promise darling, you are the love of my life. I love you so much, he kissed me.

-I'm sorry for waking you

-It's really no problem and when I say it I mean it, he reassured me.