Finding Home

Chapter Twenty - Trauma

I arrive at Dean's ten minutes before he gets in. Just as he enters my phone rings. It's Kate.

"Annie?" Dean calls out.

"In here" I shout from where I am sitting at the kitchen island giggling as Woody jumps up and runs to greet Dean.

"Hey buddy, have you had a good day?" I hear him talk to Woody and I answer my phone.

"Hi Ka..."

"Tell me everything, he's the town Sheriff? Wow, that sounds hot, is he hot? What does he look like in his uniform?" Kate is flooding me with questions as Dean emerges at the door.

"I brought dinner.... oh shit, sorry" he declares holding up a bag and then gently placing it on the table realising I am on the phone.

"Is that him? Are you at his house? And he bought dinner?" Kate's questions don't stop as I pull the phone away from my ear.

"It's my sister, I'll be right back" I say to Dean heading for the back door.

Dean nods and turns his attention back to Woody

"Heeey Sheriff" Kate shouts through the phone. I fight back a giggle, my back still facing Dean. I hear him chuckle and I rush outside putting the phone back to my ear. 

"Seriously?" I say to Kate once I am outside

"What? I just want to get to know the man who is boning my little sister"

"Kate!" I can't help but laugh

"Come on, tell me about him"

"He's amazing Kate, he's kind and gentle. He's a good man and he makes me feel all...." I trial off and sigh

"Oooo, that good is it?" she teases

"I wish you could meet him, you'd love him"

"I'm sure I would, as long as he is making you happy"

I smile and hug myself until Mom pops into my mind

"Have you spoken to Mom or Dad recently?" I ask

"Not since you first went home no... why?"

"I don't know, she was acting a little strange today..."

"Strange, how?"

"She just seemed distracted, like something was going on, I'm not sure what though"

"Hmmm, I have no idea. I'll ring her later. I'm sure she's fine, I wouldn't worry too much"

"You're probably right, I have to get back though Kate" I glance back at the door

"I'm sure you do" she says suggestively "Tell lover boy I said hello.... and to wrap it up"

"Kate!" we both burst out laughing

"Bye Annie, love you"

"Love you" I end the call and practically skip back inside. Dean has set up plates on the kitchen island. He's setting out knives and folks when he hears me come in and has changed out of his uniform and into sweatpants and a t-shirt.

We eat our dinner while I tell Dean about my afternoon with Woody. I don't mention my Mom's strange behaviour, it probably is nothing and I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Kate will get to the bottom of it if there is something going on. She has a skill in making people tell her secrets. 

When we finish Dean loads the dishwasher and takes our drinks to the coffee table where we snuggle onto the sofa facing each other.

"I promise it won't be take-out all the time" Dean chuckles, "Not that I'm much of a cook"

"Me either" I giggle, "But maybe we could learn together" I suggest. His eyes light up.

"Yeah, I'd like that" he shuffles a little in his seat and places his glass on the coffee table, he looks uncomfortable.

"Ok" he clears his throat and my stomach turns, "So, I told you today that I would tell you about my family.... about my....my sister"

He looks so unsure, he keeps fidgeting and repositioning himself on the couch. 

"Dean, you don't have to.... when you're ready......."

"I'm ready" he looks at me, "I haven't told anyone this, the only person that knows is Nathan but I trust you Annie"

I wait for him to continue.

"As you already know I lost my parents when I was 18, my sister, Lily, was 16. I had to fight to keep her with me. It happened in the summer I graduated high school, my plans for college were gone and I had to get a job and prove to the courts I could keep take care of the both of us. On the surface I looked like I was keeping it together but.... but losing my parents devastated me, I had to instantly grow up. I felt lost and unsure." his hands fidget and he keeps his eyes down, "The loss of my parents also devastated Lily. I struggled to get her back into school, she became angry and started isolating herself more and more as the years went on. She found it difficult to get a job and keep it, she lost touch with all of he friends. When I turned 20 I applied to be a police officer, I didn't think I would get in but I cleared all the tests and completed the academy training in six months" he clears his throat again and repositions himself.

"About eighteen months into my career I got a call out to attend a dispute at a bar" he takes a deep breath and I can feel my eyes watering without knowing what he is going to say next.

"When I arrived... I found Lily... she was drunk. She was shouting and threatening every one. The bar was mainly empty, it was late afternoon. I calmed her down and took her home. We..... we argued. I told her that we had to address her problems. Get her some help. All I wanted was for her to be better" Dean's eyes began to water and his voice cracked. 

I shuffle closer to him and hold his hands, "You can stop if you need to" I whisper.

He shakes his head and takes another deep breath before continuing. 

"I went to work the next day. I even started looking into therapists and doctors, anyone who might be able to help Lily with her trauma. When I got home.... it was dark....and quiet.....too quiet. I called out for Lily but there was no reply. I checked her bedroom, like I always did....." Dean put his head in hands and shut his eyes tightly "There was blood everywhere......so much blood....Lily was there.....she....took her own life....." I threw my arms around Dean and the tears fell. He doesn't move at first, when I feel movement I think he is going to push me away but he wraps his arms around me tightly and buries his head into my neck. 

We sit like that for a while. Dean's tight grip never loosens until he pulls back. I'm not sure if he has been crying but his eyes are red and bloodshot. I run my hand down his face. 

"I'm so sorry Dean" I whisper. I can't even begin to imagine what he's been through. Losing his parents then his sister. He said he was a mess when he got here and now I can understand why. I want to take all of this pain away from him.

"She was my responsibility....and I failed her" he says, his expression breaks my heart.

"No... no, you didn't fail her... you did everything you could for her" I reassure him, I don't doubt for one second Dean could fail anyone let alone his sister.

Dean doesn't say anything, but I can tell he doesn't believe my words.

"Come on, let's go to bed" I take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. We both change into out nightwear and brush our teeth without saying a word. I climb into bed and open my arms up. Dean climbs in and rests his head on my chest taking a big sigh, like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. I wrap my arms around him.

"Thank you for telling me Dean, I know that was hard for you" he cuddles into me and squeezes my waist. 

I stroke his hair and trail my hand down his back slowly.

"I got you" I whisper, not sure if he heard me, before we drift off to sleep.