Finding Home

Chapter Twenty Nine - Healing

We stand and stare at each other for a while before I speak.

"What was he like?"

Dean furrows his brows at me

"Jason, when you arrested him before. What was he like? Did he say anything?"

Dean looks at me cautiously, I can tell he is wondering why I would ask that. There is a minute of silence before he gives in and answers.

"He's a piece of shit, Annie. He was drunk. Mouthy. Trying to start a fight. I've met a million guys like him before. I didn't really interact with him much."

"Did you ever interact with him after we met?" I ask

"No"

"Why was he let go?"

"You can't really hold someone for very long for his type of behaviour. The only thing I could do was charge him with drunk and disorderly, lock him up for the night until the alcohol wore off and possibly fine him"

"Why haven't you caught him yet?" I am aware I sound like I am interrogating him but I need all the answers. Dean doesn't seem fazed.

"I can't actually prove it's him that's vandalising property, I haven't crossed paths with him since I met you. He isn't staying in town, I know that."

"What else do you know?"

"He's targeting you. He has been watching you a few times but he hasn't seemed to keep his eyes on you long enough to see where you are staying" his jaw clenches and his hands form into fists. 

"He hasn't had the opportunity to get to you" he finishes. 

I nod my head taking in all the information. Silence falls over us again. I don't know what else to say. If there is anything I should say.

"Can I ask you a question?" Dean catches my gaze and takes the smallest of steps towards me. I don't move.

"Do you think you can trust me again?" his question catches me off guard and my stomach twists. I know he is drawing a parallel between Lily and I again, whether he knows it or not. 

He feels Lily didn't trust him enough to keep her safe. To protect her from her own demons.

I don't want to lie to him. I search my heart, my gut feeling and I am speaking before I know what I am going to say, "I do trust you Dean"

He looks visibly shocked. 

"I never doubted that you would keep me safe or that you didn't have my best interests at heart" I continue. "But the way you did it? The lies? That's what hurt me the most"

"Did you mean what you said?" he asks, "When you said Jason and I were the same?" he looks like he regrets asking as soon as the words leave his mouth. Like he doesn't want to hear my answer. Like he is so scared of being compared to Jason because he knows. He knows that if I truly believe they are the same person that we will never work. We will never be together. And not just because it is something I could not bring myself to do again but because it is something that he would not allow. He won't let me feel the way I did when I was with Jason. Fearful, lonely, a shrunken version of myself. And knowing this leads me to say what I believe in my heart.

"No" he looks at me, unconvinced.

"The moment I found out you lied to me, I did mean it." Dean's face drops and his head hangs in shame, "It took me right back to being with Jason. The feeling of insecurity, the feeling of some one telling you that you are the problem not them...."

"You are not the problem Annie, you have never been the problem. I see you. You are kind and loving, considerate and empathetic, you are confident and full of life. You are so beautiful and you don't even know it" he steps closer to me, I stay rooted to my spot and feel a tear roll down my cheek. His gently puts his fingers under my chin and lifts my head so I look at him, more tears escaping. "You are everything, Annie and you deserve anything and everything you want"