𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬

CHAPTER 21

25 November 2016

The next day, I reached my class at my usual time but there was one difference; Haider wasn't there. I never thought I would miss watching him every morning, playing a game on his phone, and then looking up at me when I would enter, and would glance away to ignore me, but I did. As strange as it sounded, his usual seat at the front looked bare, like someone had just plucked out a puzzle piece. Without him, it looked incomplete.

What if he had chosen to sit here, yesterday?

It wouldn't have made a difference, we still hadn't spoken with each other. But the real question to me was, were we still strangers? After yesterday, I wasn't sure what Haider meant to me, not a friend for sure but something more than a classmate.

Did he know that I was suffering in private and was trying to heal me? Was he that excellent observer to tell by just a look, what went inside someone's mind? Had he shown this talent to others or was it only reserved for me? I didn't know. He wasn't like others. If my best friends had somehow guessed about what happened to me, then they would have tried to be motivational speakers.

Luce would have certainly, tried to crack a joke and would have expected me to be happy. I wouldn't have and Livi would have forced me to smile or laugh in some other way. I would have gotten irritated by their efforts and would have pretended to be happy, just to get them off my back. Surely, they would assume that their part was done and that I was free of my guilt. It wasn't that easy to be happy.

Haider's approach was much different. He wasn't trying to show me in any way that, he noticed the slight changes in me. But I knew now, that he always observed, always watched me closely. Maybe, it was the reason he was quick to believe that I was in pain. All of these didn't make any sense. He was only human and would need a miracle to happen, to know I was trying to recover.

Still, I wanted to believe that he knew.

If he wouldn't have stood by my side in front of the entire class, I would have most probably cried.

But I didn't because he was there with me and that was what mattered to me, even if his intentions were still unknown to me. Moreover, the curiosity of finding out the reason behind his actions helped to get through the day, else I would have kept thinking about Dean.

Dean.

My chest tightened with pain. I never wanted to see him again. He had me see hell, in five days. A shiver ran through me when my mind whispered, to me that he could easily find me in this empty classroom, and complete his unfinished desires. I sprang to Haider's new seat at the last and hid behind it. Footsteps grew closer and faded, other students walked by the classroom, but no one entered.

Silently, I resolved to fight as long as I could, to distance myself from him. Everyone would think I was being mad, or even a bad girl for disobeying my parents and refusing, to go to that cursed place again, but that was exactly what I wanted. Playing the good girl had wreaked havoc on my mind. Only I knew, how I had to sit in that van - in front of Dean and his wife - and then face him at his house for the entire five days, and pretend that everything was fine.

Occasionally, our eyes would meet when his wife wasn't looking, and I felt a sharp jolt of fear shoot through my stomach. Almost instantly, it disappeared, as if my mind reminded me that the others were here with me too. It was true. I had made it a point to force Mom to stand outside my bathroom with the lame excuse of a cockroach. She was annoyed every time but I wasn't taking any chances to stay alone this time.

Those five days were the most painful in my life because despite being fucked in the head, I had to act normal. Like nothing ever happened. It took immense effort and willpower but I stayed strong. I had chosen this pain over the happiness of my family, so my mouth would remain sealed forever.