𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬

CHAPTER 29

04 January 2017

One month had passed. I hadn't realized when Haider, had asked me to draw for him, that it was the last class for the second year. Right when Luce entered the class, he sat down at his seat and announced that there weren't going to be any more classes, before the exams. Hearing this had shocked me to the core. Since, I was too deep in trying to get together my shit, getting serious about the exams was nowhere on my priority list. However, it was too late now. The syllabus was huge, and mugging it up wouldn't work this time because my mind, would keep reminding me about my past, distracting me from my studies.

Getting a backlog was inevitable.

To add to my growing desperation, the classes had continued for the entire day, leaving me no chance to escape to the library for last-minute preparations. With shaking hands, when I opened the mail for the timetable, a bead of sweat ran down my forehead. Only two weeks were left and there were five subjects and thirty chapters from each, to prepare. Dealing with my trauma and stressing out on exams, added up to be the recipe for disaster with me at its centre. Eventually, getting condemned by fate was unavoidable, but Livi saved me with her brilliant idea.

If she hadn't suggested coming to my home for group studies, I doubted, if I would have gotten through the first chapter, all by myself. When the clock had struck three in the afternoon, Haider and Luce both, strode towards our house. Even though, Livi hadn't disclosed to me that they would be coming, I kind of expected this. She wasn't capable of studying alone, just like me, and who better than Haider to teach us?

Right on the cue, Haider's eyes flicked upwards, successfully locating me, while I descended the staircase. A jolt of excitement rushed through me, the more he continued to stare at me. This was the second time he was at my house. The first time he was here, I had rushed to give him ice cream, because watching the burning in his tongue, due to spicy curries, was unbearable for me.

This time I prayed, that none of my friends should leave me alone with him. Being close to him brought out a vulnerable side of me, that I didn't want to explore. Yet, he couldn't be avoided because he was a good teacher. And worse, it was either face him or face the wrath of my parents for failing. With a choice like that, there was no other choice.

After getting a warning from Mom to study in the living room, in front of them, and getting asked by Dad what snacks he should bring for my friends, I walked away. From time to time, my parents would take turns in, either going upstairs, walking by the kitchen, pretending to read the newspaper in the dining room, or going outside the main door multiple times, I understood that they were guarding us.

What were we, thieves? Don't they have trust in me?

Annoyance brushed my subconscious but in a way, I was thankful for their presence here. It was because the fear of getting scolded in front of everyone, about my eyes roaming anywhere else apart from the book, had kept me from wondering about Haider. As a result, I was able to concentrate and stay motivated to study.

The exams went on for two weeks, with gaps in between to study for other subjects. Reading the long list of questions, made my mind, play my favourite songs in my head. Instead of thinking about the answer, I was fighting with myself to find the pause button in my head, to stop the music. It was too difficult to concentrate, yet I was thankful, for managing to write most of the answers. And to give credit to the one person, because of whom, all of this was partly possible, I called her to express my gratitude. Livi was the one who had come up with the idea of group studies, and it ended up saving my grades.

The second person, whom I was thankful for, was not only adamant about teaching me but also was the reason, I was able to move on from Dean. Haider was all I thought of, day in and day out. And when I wasn't able to see him because of being allocated different rooms, I would wait until after finishing my paper, to catch a glimpse of him, but it was nearly impossible. The crowded corridors added to the fact that my bus left early, made me unable to meet Haider or any of my friends.