Life was not worth living. My trembling hands were a constant reminder of that. I hated myself. Hated to be part of meaningless parties and endless laughter. I hated to talk with everyone because one day, everyone left. So there was no point in connecting with someone on an emotional level. My classmates didn't know what it was like to lose everything and pretend to be the happiest person. I'd always planned to study hard, live abroad, and give my parents a luxurious life and everything was going as planned, until her.
The moment I saw the black eyes that were so innocent that, I just wanted to stare at them. It was the reason, I averted my eyes from the girl, who kept standing at the doorway and expected me to talk with her. It was the first day of college, and people were supposed to introduce themselves, but I had never talked to a girl on my own. I didn't even know what to say or how to behave like a gentleman.
However, from that day on she began to cloud my judgements. Unwillingly, she existed inside my mind and I didn't know what to do about it. She was someone else's girlfriend, and it was not right of me to even care about her. But I couldn't stop myself when she entered the class after the holidays, threw her bag on the second-last bench, and ran outside. Something was wrong. I could definitely tell. She was always an achiever and hated to be left behind.
My doubts were confirmed when the teacher asked her to solve the problem on the board and she couldn't do it. My name was called next and I would have gladly solved it, except her eyes which were on the verge of tears, caught my attention.
Beautiful things didn't deserve to be broken.
That thought roared inside my mind, and I ended up doing the most absurd thing: getting punished for her. Instantly, her head whipped in my direction, and the curiosity in them made me protective of her. She didn't need to know but I would stand by her side when she would be on the verge of breaking. I had no idea what I was doing or why I was shattering my plans for the future, but there was a gut feeling inside me that she needed to be heard, and I was willing to listen.
Today, when I entered the class, Sia was sitting in her new seat. I called her by the last three letters of her name, Sia. Like all the other unspoken things between us, she didn't know it. Surely, she would think of me as crazy if I ever called her Sia. Moreover, I didn't want to be a third wheel in her relationship, I just wanted to protect her from afar. To prove my point, Jai's name blinked on her phone.
"I'm coming." she cut the call.
Were they again fighting? Why does Jai treat her like absolute shit? And why does she keep giving him second chances? I wished I could punch Jai, in the face after what I heard happened at the fresher's party but it was not my place to do that. I wasn't anybody to her. I even doubted she ever thought about me at all. The ignorance towards me was clear in her eyes, and I respected that.
"Aless is absent today?" Olivia entered the room, breaking my train of thought. I never called her Livi, unlike the others. It irked her but I didn't care. Calling someone by nicknames should hold some emotional value and except for Sia, I didn't find anyone worthy of that.
"I don't know," Luce answered, nudging me by the legs to move aside. He never questioned why I changed my seats to the last. If he had, I wouldn't have told him that I had the urge to be near Sia every time, and I was already screwed in the head for that.
"She was here earlier but left after getting Jai's call," I informed. They never expected me to answer anything related to her, but I couldn't help the pinprick of hurt stabbing my heart that she was his.
"What? You shouldn't have let her go! Then again, I wish she would slap him in the face. That Jai is the literal definition of shit," she hissed and smacked her palm on the bench.
"Why?" I was quick to ask this question before Luce.
"Jai ditched her and wrote he loves another girl on Facebook."
That was it. The fluid holding my patience blew, and I couldn't just sit here and watch the happiness getting sucked out of her. She didn't deserve to go through so much pain and if she needed my help to realize that, I couldn't be a coward anymore. The professor had already arrived at the class but my stare remained at her unoccupied seat. I was desperate to meet her but I had no idea what to do after that.
As soon as the bell rang, I urged both Olivia and Luce to study in the library. Not because I wanted them to be serious about the exam but because I knew Sia would be there, staring at her phone, and destroying her future by not caring about her marks. I couldn't let that happen. She was too precious for me, to allow her to ruin herself.
"Hey!" Olivia chirped and Sia's head snapped up with disdain.
From the numerous times I had observed her, I knew, she always chose to sit near the tall window on the fourth floor. And by the look on her face, she was not hiding her displeasure, of being disturbed from whatever she was doing. I pulled the chair in front of her and her surprised eyes met mine. I observed her closely, searching for any trace of tears, and when there were none, my shoulders visibly relaxed.
Olivia was quick to ask her doubts, and I began to explain to them while writing down the highlight points. When Olivia's and Luce's eyes were trained on the scribbled notes, I looked at Sia. Her jaw was clenched and she was glaring at the page, my pen rested on. She was getting on my nerves because she was being stubborn about not studying.
Why couldn't she see that I was doing all of this for her future?
"Are you listening?" The words flew out of my mouth from my desperation to bring her on the right track. Her reaction wasn't instant. She thought I was addressing either Olivia or Luce, but when she realized that the question was directed at her, she froze.
She kept on staring at me and I gave myself fifty-fifty odds that she was going to answer to me. I hope she does. It had been long overdue that she gave us a chance to be friends.
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