CARDIGAN- J. HUGHES

Sixteen

But I knew you, playing hide and seek and...

This vacation was almost over but I wasn't in the clear of Jack yet. In a week we would be going to Michigan, to the lake houses for the rest of the summer. I thought that I'd be able to avoid that this year but clearly I was wrong.

This vacation... God, could I even call it that?...has honestly been a rollercoaster. I sit here on my bed, staring at the ceiling as I procrastinate getting ready for dinner with the guys. Just us, no parents. We wanted to start getting into Lake house mode where all we needed was each other. For me, all I needed was to find a way to mend my heart. Find a way to get over him but I can't. I never will. Maybe for a second I was ok but then...then I fucked up and had sex with him and now I'm back to square one. On top of that, he comforted me when I needed it most and said things that reminded me of when he was there for me. When he cared for me.

This was all too much to be thinking about before I saw him at dinner.

While I got ready I made sure to put on my music loud to drown out unwanted thoughts. As per usual, I was gonna be fashionably late to dinner. Meaning I had to sprint my ass out of here because i was supposed to be there 10 minutes ago already.

And I did sprint.

I was breathing heavy as I got to the table of the outdoor restaurant, taking the only empty seat which was of course beside Jack. Figures. "Sorry, lost track of time" I huffed. They all looked at me like I was crazy.

"I ordered you a glass of Prosecco" Jackson told me from across the table which I thanked him quietly. I noticed a weird vibe. A very weird vibe actually. Everyone kept looking over at Jack and Sienna who were tense. I could practically feel frustration and annoyance flowing off Jack's body. I tried to sneak a glance at Sienna but only saw her holding her wine glass with pursed lips, staring at the table.

There was definitely some type of awkward interaction before I got here. I could tell we all silently prayed someone would speak up but I can tell you it wasn't gonna be me.

"Alright I'm back with your drinks everyone"

-

That night I did something bad.

I texted Jack and I told him I wanted to talk. I couldn't help it I was nosy and also there was a part of me that wanted clarification. I wanted to know if there was even the slimmest of chances I could have him again. I don't care how mad I was, or how humiliated I felt, he was Jack and he would always have a place in my heart.

He showed up merely 2 minutes after I texted, slipping into my room somehow. "Wait how the hell do you have a key to me room?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"Well when I left that night to get you your present I needed a way back in so I stole your extra one" he shrugged. I flushed at the mention of our rendezvous as well as the fucking plan B he bought me. "And I kept it because why not?"

I looked at him in confusion but shook my head, realizing that's not why I texted him here. However, with each second of him being here I seemed to forget exactly why I texted him.

"So why did you want to see me?" He asked, almost nervously which was intriguing. I started to remember exactly why I called him in here and now I was the nervous one. I hoped he didn't get mad at me for prying or being nosy...

"What happened before I got to dinner? That was the most painful dinner I've ever sat through and my God we both know that's saying a lot" I scoffed, alluding to the night we broke up which he gave me a look as if to say 'did you have to go there'.

"Nothing happened at dinner. Before dinner yeah. Kind of just overflowed I guess" he sighed, taking a seat at the table in my room. "I feel so shitty"

"I know the feeling" I faked a smile to which he again sent me a look. Like why is he acting like I'm not allowed to be even the slightest bit petty? But because I'm a simp, I sighed and walked over sitting next to him. "What happened?"

"Sienna and me broke up right before dinner and it was a shit show. She broke up with me without even knowing me and you...yeah. Any way, I feel shitty because I feel fucking relieved that I'm done with her. She's a great girl but I just can't do it" he ranted. He went on and on about all the things that he can't stand about her and that he feels bad because he's not even the slightest bit sad but that was all drowned out. Him and Sienna were over. That's the only sentence that stood out to me. "Your not even listening" his voice pulled me out of my trance and I quickly denied it.

"Not true I am!" I lied but he only smirked and shook his head.

"You always were a horrible liar Lil" he laughed. "Im sorry, this is probably the last thing you want to be hearing..." he trailed off, avoiding eye contact. He was wrong that time. But I kept my mouth shut, biting my lip as I fidgeted with my hands in my lap.

"You can always talk to me. Even if you think I'm mad I always have time for you" the words escaped my lips in almost a whisper and I wanted to take them back. He didn't need to know I was still putty in his hands. Even after everything.

"I know Lily. I wish I had done that more when we were together" he reached up and brushed some hair out of my eyes. Our eyes stayed locked. Both of us using each other as a means of healing yet we didn't care. Or atleast, I didn't care. This was a good step. I was in no means healed and ready to jump back into things with him especially when I'm still in the dark on why we ended anyway. I still don't know if he loved me. But right here in this moment, I felt the smallest fragment of my heart reconnect.

"Time heals everything" I reassured him softly. Those words also helped reassure me.

"I know" his smile lit up an old flame in my soul yet i still fought to keep it down with my entire being.

But why should I do that?

He started leaning in and like a magnetic so did I until our lips met in the middle. This kiss wasn't like before. It was full of anger, lust, and fire. This one was sweet, tender, and real. It was real.

Real enough to wake me up from this fantasy world I had put myself in. I slowly pulled back and closed my eyes, painfully. "Jack..."

"I know. Im sorry." He sighed. "I understand"

"Thank You" i nodded. We sat in silence. Finally Jack stood up, giving me one last glance before walking out and leaving me in this room, feeling my lips wishing he was back on them.