CARDIGAN- J. HUGHES

Twenty

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone's bed...

I managed to escape my captors. The captors being Ethan and Mark. And how I escaped was bringing them to talk to two pretty girls and while they tried to rizz them up I dipped. Now I was currently wondering the house, double fisting two alcoholic beverages, practically waltzing around happily.

It's cliche but this is the first time I've ever felt truly free, truly me. I was here at this party surrounded by a mix of strangers and familiar faces, not being guarded by my personal body guards, and for the first time not being held back by my yearning for Jack. I also had a good buzz going so the world just felt a lot lighter.

I could feel my phone buzzing in my shoulder bag but I ignored it, wanting to hold onto this freedom a little longer. I found a spot in the kitchen, sitting on the counter in the corner, tucked away while I people watched. My eyes travelled the length of the house for which I could see, watching as people mingled or made out or danced. I could people watch all night.

"Hey...it's Lily right? Jackson Jewel's sister?" I turned to the right and saw a cute guy leaning beside the counter where I sat. Out of habit I quickly glanced around for any of my guard dogs and was happy to see none.

"Yeah, im Lily" I smiled.

"Jared" he offered me his hand which I happily accepted. "I've seen you around quite a few times but your always...busy with others" he laughed nervously, referring to my boys. I blushed and shook my head with a small laugh.

"That's one way to put it" I nodded. "I managed to lose them tonight but I probably don't have much time" I half joked. Only half because there was probably only seconds before one of them comes bounding in and scaring this nice boy away.

"Well I just wanted to come say hi, introduce myself, and tell you that you look good tonight" he flirted, causing my cheeks to flush again.

"Thank you Jared. Thanks for being brave" I joked, resting a hand on his  shoulder making him smile up at me. Ok he was really cute and he wasn't actively trying to drug me yet. A win is a win.

"What's your plans for-"

"Lily" and I guess we're done here. "Who's this?" Jacks eyes narrowed cockily at Jared, already putting on his stupid patronizing smirk as he stood on the other side of me opposite tof Jared.

"None of your concern. Go away" I slipped down off the counter turning to Jared but Jack wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me against him.

"Ellen and the other adults are coming to party I was sent to come fine you" Jack was such a fucking dick. "Sorry, she's busy. And taken" Jack winked before literally pulling me away while I shot Jared an apologetic smile.

Once we got our back I quickly shoved him off and glared at him angrily. "What the hell Jack? You have no right" I snapped. He only rolled his eyes.

"Yes I do. If i have to win you back I can't really have you talking to other guys" he spoke like it was fucking obvious. Was this man insane? "Besides, the parents are actually coming their smashed"

"Good so I can have another reason to stay away from you" I went to leave but he groaned and grabbed my wrist gently. "Jack that was a dick move." I told him seriously.

"I'm sorry, ok? Please let me talk now" he pleaded. I thought about it, looking into his pretty blue eyes that were currently swimming with remorse. However, I wanted to enjoy myself tonight at this party. "Please" he said again, stepping up and grabbing both my hands in his.

"Jack" I shook my head. "Ive had way too much angst in my life and it's all been caused by you in some way. Let me just have this one night. Please." Now I was the one pleading. I watched as he released a long sigh but he reluctantly nodded, bringing my hands up to his lips to place a soft kiss on my knuckles.

"Ok, fine. I'm sorry Lily. I want you to be happy and have a good time, your right." It was the way in which he said it that made me realize there was some sort of layer to his words. His voice was thick with emotion and his eyes were so sad that I wanted to take it back. It took everything in me to not take it back but I've lived my whole life for him. It's not wrong of me to live one night for me.

"Thank you Jack" against my better judgement I leaned forward and kissed his cheek before I walked back inside, hurrying into the nearest bathroom to take the situation in. It started out shitty but he handled it...exactly how I wanted him to. He wasn't angry, he didn't say anything to hurt me or manipulate me, he was kind and gentle. It gave me hope. Hope that I know could kill me if I let it so I needed to erase it from my brain.

Why did loving him feel so good yet hurt so bad?

I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair, trying to fight the guilty feeling plaguing my mind. I shouldn't feel guilty for choosing me and my mental health over Jack. I'm never gonna be able to be normal and in a normal relationship if I feel like this. "Stop being a psychopath and go have fucking fun" I whispered to myself in the mirror. I took one last breath before leaving the safe haven of the bathroom and entering the chaos of the party once again.

-

"Mr. Jewel, be my beer pong partner!" Guys my age were practically begging my dad and Jim to be their beer pong partners after they witnessed the dads absolutely run the table. Me, Ellen, and my mom giggled as we sat off to the side, all of us feeling the effects of the alcohol.

"I can't believe we are at this party" Ellen laughed. "We definitely drank too much" she added.

"Who cares! I rarely get to party with my babies and I love it" My mom hugged me and I laughed, squeezing her back. My mom sat back and watched me laugh, with a smile on her lips. "I missed that smile on you sweetheart" she said softly.

I tensed up a bit as Ellen sighed, reaching over to rub my back. "Mom it's fine" I said nervously. Me and Jack's breakup and the effect it had on me wasn't really mentioned around Ellen and I didn't want to put her in that situation.

"I know, im just happy to see you ok. It killed me to see you the way you were" my mom was drunk I know and her words were kind but I felt so bad that Ellen had to hear this.

"Love you mom" was all I said as she wiped her tears and stood up.

"I'm gonna go find Jackson and bother him now" she sniffled before going off to find my brother. I looked over at Ellen who had a bit of a pained expression on her face.

"Lily I'm so sorry I didn't reach out..." Ellen started, shaking her head sadly. I was quick to shut it down.

"Ellen no. I'm fine. Everything's good now. Even me and Jack are friends, promise" I assured her though I added a little lie at the end. I don't know what's going on with me and Jack.

"I was so focused on being there for Jack because believe it or not he was devastated. But still...your my girl, I should have also been there for you" she sighed. "I love You, and If You and Jack don't work things out that's fine I just want you to know that I'll still always be here for you" she pulled me into a hug and I released a sigh of relief. I needed to hear that.

"Thank you Ellen, I love you" I whispered as she held me.

"I love You too honey" She kissed my head and pulled back with a smile. "Though I'm just saying, I'm praying you and Jack get back because you two were put on this Earth for each other"

"Ellen!" I screeched in embarrassment.

"What? Im serious" She laughed. We laughed together and for a second it felt like all the burdens in my life were being handled and taken care of. I think finally I was on the mend.