Forgotten (Book 1 of the Remembrance Series)

Thoughts at Fault

I stared lovingly at he man in my arms, slowly tucking him beneath the sheets. I glanced to my arms, sudden anger and fear rushing through me.
'Why did I do this to myself?'
It was all for nothing, was it not? Another thought made me wish to reject whatever I had last eaten. How will Izaya react when he sees them? My wrists started to lust for a blade as I sank deeper and deeper into the dark thoughts.
'What if he won't want me when he sees them?'
'What if I can't stop?'
'What if he is just fooling me, and once he sees them, he'll use them to his advantage?'
I attempted to calm myself down, only to have doubts reflect the soothing thought. I felt hopeless, as if the deep hole I had dug myself was only going to get deeper, till the point that no one could get me back out. Maybe I was already to deep. I resisted the urge to draw blood, but the more I did so, the harder it became.
After an hour I gave up, quietly stumbling across the hall into the bathroom. I searched through my medicine cabinet for a razor, finding a brand new pack after a bit. I tore it open, removing the cover from one and pulling up my sleeve. I gazed at my arm, considering whether I should drag it across the still sore scars, or one of the scarless patches of skin. After a moment, I decided the most pain will most likely come from the scars being recut. Of course it hardly effected me. I was just a monster after all.
I pressed as hard as I dared, quickly puncturing the skin and dragging it along my arm. Blood blossomed to the surface, and I smiled, finding new spots to cut. A few minutes later I felt at ease, but terror welled up inside my chest once more as I realised I only added to my problem. I chucked the razor into the hallway, clenching my fists again and again. It only made the bleeding worse, the bright red liquid making me wish to pick the razor back up. Turning on the small faucet, I ran my arm under the water to wash it as best I could. The bloody water drained down the sink, leaving a slight pink tint to the once white basin.
I wrapped my arm and returned to the bed once again, the razor forgotten on the floor. I layed down on the bed, wrapping my arms around the raven's slender body. I never realised that I had fallen asleep, but holding my beloved, I did not have one nightmare that night.

◇♡◇

I awoke as something moved beside me, the warmth on my chest disappearing. I whined softly, tugging the 'flea' back into my arms. He gave a slight 'oomph,' and I opened my eyes to gaze into his small crimson orbs. He placed a small peck on my lips and blushed, snuggling into my chest for a moment before pulling away.
"Shizu-Chan, I have to go to work. Today Skiki wants me to meet with him to discuss something." He sighed, struggling to pull away. I was afraid he would lie to me, that he would never come back. It must have shown in my eyes, because he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I'll come back, don't be so scared, Shizu-Chan!~" He giggled, and I reluctantly released him. He sang a goodbye before hurrying out of the apartment.

~Izaya's POV~

I sat at my desk, completing some work as I waited for Shiki. Namie continued about her buisness, doing as I had told her to do earlier, yet I decided that starting today, I would try and be a little nicer to the secretary. After all if it wasn't for her, nothing would be in it's right place. She seemed to shrug off my kindness though, most likely thinking I was about to dump a ton of work on her shoulders. I looked out the window to see a black car role to a stop before the building, and turned to the brunette.
"Namie, could you be a dear and make some tea? I believe we have guests.~" I cooed, and she grumbled something as she set down what she was doing, making her way to the kitchen. A few minutes later there was a cacophony of voices outside the door, quickly silenced. Then came a knock. I opened the door and Shiki smirked down at me.
"Good morning, Izaya-San." He greeted, and I stepped aside to let him in. His two gaurds followed close behind, one giving me a cruel look. I sat down across from my boss, and he sniffed at the air.
"Izaya, your apartment reaks of cigarettes." He exclaimed disdainfully, seeming to ignore the lack of manors he displayed. Namie brought in the cups, and I politely thanked her. She gave me a confused look, but shrugged it off once more.
"So how have you been, Izaya?" He asked, taking a gulp from the cup. I hardly pondered the question, already having thouht over every amswer.
"Just fine. How about you?" I smirked, earning a grunt from one of the body guards.
"Swell, now, down to buisness." He stated, a hint of sickening amusement glintin in his eyes. Knowing so well what came next, I hardly reacted as he flicked his finger to one of the men. I didn't cry out as he held me down. Namie made no move to aid me as my boss came forward and kicked me. The men who held me down made no attempt to lessen my pain, to stop Shiki. I made no sound as I felt blood trickle from a well-abused gash. I was used to this.
I waited for them to finish and as they left, I remained on the floor. By now I would have usually dragged my abused body to my bedroom, but I didn't. I just layed there. Namie peered at me with a annoyed yet curious look.
"Are you dead?" She asked, her tone biting yet light, as if she hoped her words rang true. I sighed and shook my head, remaining on the floor. She seemed confused at my actions, standing beside my head.
"What is it, my dear secretary?" I asked, gazing up to her. She seemed to ponder over her next words.
"Do you want any help?" She sighed, but I shook my head once more. Only the innocent deserved the help of others. She hesitated before walking away.
"Namie, you can leave for today." I decided a few minutes later. She looked to me with suprise, setting her papers down.
"Did he hit you over the head to hard?" She asked in amusement, and I gave a slight grunt in response. I listened to her heels clack against the floor as she made her way out, he door locking behind her. I was left to only the sound of my rhythmic breathing, and the clack of my clock. Sunlight steadily pulsed through the window, slowly aiming closer and closer to me as the sun set. I frowned and finally stood up, feeling my sore bones click at my movements.
I started to severly regret laying on the floor for so long, my bruised skin being stretched painfully over my lanky muscles. I pressed a compact to one of the bruises, hissing at first until the pain slowly faded to frigid relief. Making my way back to the office chair, I noticed my phone flashing with a notification. I picked it up and flipped it open, finding 32 missed calls and 47 messages. All of them were from Shizu-Chan. I read through them, all worriedly asking how my day has been and when I would be back. Passing a hand through my hair I sighed, typing a reply but stoping. Maybe I should see how he reacts if I don't reply... I cursed myself for my actions as I slipped my phone into my pocket.
Gazing at the clock, I sat down once more and returned to working.