Beyond Repair (Min Yoongi) [UPDATED]

16. Fragile

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Yoongi was aware he wasn't breathing as he staggered offstage. His knees buckled the second he was past the curtains and he instantly collapsed into an upright body—though he didn't yet know whose—and it was all he could do not to vomit on them.

"What the—Yoongi, what's wrong? What happened?" Hoseok barely caught Yoongi before he could hit the floor. He sounded far away.

"Is he okay?" Yoongi heard Jungkook's voice this time.

"Yoongi, what's going on?" Namjoon called out to him. "What is it? Are you in pain? What hurts?"

"Talk to us, sweetheart," Seokjin pleaded, "what's wrong?"

Yoongi could only shake his head. "He's here."

The words made the occupants of the room go still for a second, but the room itself was starting to sway. Once the words left Yoongi's mouth, he couldn't stop repeating it. He wrestled out of Hoseok's hold and fell to the floor with his head in his hands, dizzy within seconds as he tried and failed to catch his breath.

"He's—he's here. Oh God. Oh God, oh God, f-fuck, he's here, he's here, he-he's—"

"Who? Who's here?" Namjoon had to ask, though probably everyone knew exactly who Yoongi was talking about.

"My—Sir—he's—oh God, oh fuck, oh God no no no no..." Without any forethought or warning, for the second time in what couldn't have been more than thirty seconds, Yoongi slapped himself. Hard.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to do that, remember?" Jimin said, crouching down to be eye level with Yoongi, who was now curled up on the floor, forcing his head between his knees. Jimin reached out to take Yoongi's hand, probably in case he tried to hurt himself again, but Yoongi flinched away so violently, he hit his head on a nearby coffee table and let out a sound that was something between a scream and a sob. "Okay," Jimin said, retracting his hand and taking a half-step backwards. "It's okay. I won't touch you."

"Nonononononono," Yoongi kept repeating under his breath like a prayer. He struck himself again and broke off into a scream so horrible, the leftover commotion in the auditorium went silent. "How did—? He found—he found me, he f-found me, he's gonna—no no no, I don't want to go back!" he sobbed. "I don't want to, I can't go back there, no—"

"It's okay, you're not going anywhere, you're staying right here with us. We won't let anything happen to you," Jimin kept trying to reassure him. "You're going to be okay, but honey, you need to breathe. Can you do that? Deep breaths, like this."

Yoongi wanted to follow along, wanted to obey, wanted to be able to take a full fucking breath like a normal fucking person but he just couldn't. His lungs felt empty no matter how desperately he tried to fill them, his heart seemed to be trying to escape his ribcage, the room was spinning and oh God, the walls were closing in. He didn't know how Sir had found him or when he would find him again. He didn't want to go back to the cellar, he couldn't, but every time he blinked he was sure he would open his eyes to concrete walls and bloodstains on the floor and—

"Yoongi, listen to me," Jimin said so softly that Yoongi had to strain his ears to hear over his own hyperventilation. "You are safe. We have our security team, remember? Tae went to tell them what you saw. They'll know to be prepared. No one can get to you, I promise."

Yoongi tried to internalize Jimin's words and believe them. For a while, he couldn't move; all he could do was stare. But after a minute he realized he wasn't seeing Jimin anymore. He wasn't seeing anything at all, not really. It felt like he was staring straight through everything around him, Jimin included. Nothing felt real, the air was too loud, and he couldn't hear what anyone was saying anymore and he was so fucking scared and he needed to get out.