Harry Potter Twitter AU

𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ 𝔸𝕃𝕃 ℂ𝔸𝕄𝔼 𝕆𝔽𝔽 ℙ𝕀ℕ𝕋𝔼ℝ𝔼𝕊𝕋 - ℍ𝕀 𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ

(This is writing exclusive, the video got kicked off TikTok 💀)

Post :
@BookWorn<3
Everyone : *absolutely nothing*

The Duolingo Bird : Finish your lesson *holding you at gunpoint*

Comments :
@loonylover - accurate

Post :
@hazzap._
there are a lot of serial killers outside and they sound like little girls being attacked by geese fuck shut up im trying to sleep here

Comments :
@hazzap._ - I MEANT *GEESE* OUTSIDE FUCKING BITCH I MEANT GEESE WHO SOUND LIKE LITTLE GIRLS BEING ATTACKED BY SERIAL KILLERS I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP BADLY
@nottyoursb1tch - IM SOBBING

Post :
@ILoveFood
when I was six years old I threw a quaffle at my grandpa's face during a big family gathering and his false teeth flew out. he yelped out 'FUCKING CLOWN BASTARD' instinctively in front of everyone and that shit sneaks up on me during class and funerals

Comments :
None

Post :
@number1b1tch
i am Distressed

Comments :
@number1b1tch - it's five in the fuc king morning and ive been staring at a wall for three hours trying to think of what this thing is called. it's like. fuckin the greatest invention humanity has ever come up with and there like. bread sticks but they taste sweet and they're more square
@number1b1tch - isn't there like a country in the name too.. hungary cinnamon bread. great britain sticks. france bread
@number1b1tch - france bred france brad france bread france sticks francebreadsticks France France revolution
@number1b1tch - FRENCH TOAST STICKS

Post :
@MionesHimbo
In my hungover state I went food shopping. Reached for a pack of sausages & someone reached at the same time so I stepped back and said "sorry you go ahead". I then realized I'd actually seen my own arm in a mirror & had apologized to myself in front of a lady handing out samples

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Post :
@BookWorm<3
introvert/extrovert quizzes are so funny bc they're always like

1. Where are you happiest?
A) Reading a book by myself in the dark while crying
B) Snorting cocaine off a park bench with 80 of my closest friends

Comments :
None

Post :
@loonyluna
I just walked in on Theo putting a fruit roll up on Neville's dick I wanna cry and kms 😭

Comments :
@loonylover - I'm gonna cry WHY DID YOU SHARE 😭

Post :
@YESExplosives
Barber could staple a pic ae yer maw gettin shagged tae yer heed but when he holds up that wee mirror you'd still be like ideal mate cheers

Comments :
@ILoveFood - this confuses my brain-

Post :
@BookWorm<3
*car full of boys slowly pulls up next to me while I'm walking home from the beach*
Me: *thinks I'm about to be catcalled*
Boy 1: yo!!!
Me: *sweats nervously*
Boy 1: Where'd you get the BOBA!
Me: oh! It's just down this street on the right!
Boy 2: GOD I fucking TOLD you BLAISE

Comments :
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Post :
@NOExplosives
My niece wants to know: if she donates her hair to Locks of Love, and the recipient of her hair commits a crime and leaves hair at the crime scene, will her DNA be found all over the crime scene and thus incriminate her?

She's 12.

Comments :
@MionesHimbo - this is a vibe

Post :
@loonyluna
This girl next to me in class offered me a sip of her drink after I said I was thirsty.. I was not fucking expecting to take a sip of vodka cranberry at 9am y'all