Unbound

Chapter 39

"I don't care if he's your fated mate or not, this is getting ridiculous." Aubrey was sick of listening to me complain, and she wasn't afraid to make that known.

"You're telling me," I agreed. It was two weeks ago now that I'd said goodbye to Jack, and I hadn't come any closer to telling Gabriel. I wanted it to be a romantic moment. I imagined him sweeping me up in his arms and telling me something, anything, that would make me feel like I'd made the right choice. Or rather, that I'd made the right choice for him. Having now felt the things Gabriel made me feel, I knew in my heart I'd at least made the right decision for myself.

"And you've talked to him about it?" We were tucked into our favorite booth in the diner, watching a cold rainstorm blow through. The snow on the ground was slowly melting away into gray slush. The sky nearly matched its dirty shade exactly, and my mood along with it.

I nodded. "Every time. And every time he gives the same excuse." The attacks. Council meetings. Protecting the pack. Like a broken record.

If he was consistent in one thing, it was this back-and-forth cycle he'd gotten us stuck in. He'd grow distant and disappear for a couple of days before coming back for a couple more. Rinse, repeat. His health seemed to follow the same pattern, wavering between worn down and headaches. I told Aubrey as much.

"This whole 'energetic imbalance' business is a load of shit," she scoffed. "I've never once heard anyone complain of any such thing."

I immediately felt stupid for having given Ephraim the benefit of the doubt on that one. "So then they're hiding something from me."

"It's something to do with his binding," she said. "I'm sure of it."

"I tried to find his medical file in Ephraim's office." I lowered my voice when I made this confession, despite being the only two in the restaurant. "I dug through the whole cabinet, and nothing."

"Maybe Gabriel keeps it in his desk."

"Well, I'm sure as shit not looking in there." Dejectedly, I chewed on the straw in my glass. "Do you think this is how Odette felt?"

"Why are you still thinking about her?" Aubrey chided. "He said it himself: he chose you. He got a phone for you, for fuck's sake. Plus, he's been way more open with you in public than he ever was with her."

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips when I thought of the last time we'd gone out a few nights earlier, just on a quick trip to the grocery store. He'd stood me on the cart and captured me against the handle, pushing it up and down the aisles with his arms caging me in. He seemed so happy in the moments we spent together, I couldn't understand why he continued to pull away.

"You're right. I just remember what she said about how she'd never expected it to be so difficult."

"You never expected to experience it at all, remember?" She was right; this was more than I'd ever dreamed I could feel. It was the fault of fate alone for pairing me with such a stubborn ass.

My wheels were turning now. It was easier to examine this clinically, as a healer, than to let my own emotions lead. Though he'd never been clear with me as to when his headaches started, the first I'd known of was at the Alpha gathering. He'd avoided me all weekend. The next time, he'd been with Odette for days. The most recent was after he'd again avoided me for nearly a week.

"I thought his headaches had something to do with Odette. If I'm really his..." I still couldn't say it out loud. "Then is it because he's shutting me out?"

"It's possible. And the word you're looking for is mate," Aubrey said.

"Then why does he seem to get sicker the longer we spend together?"

Her eyes sparkled, the puzzle pieces finally beginning to fit together. "That part is the bind. He's fighting against some serious magic to be with you."

"So either way, I'm hurting him." The conclusion we'd reached wasn't nearly as satisfying or helpful as we hoped it would be. In fact, it only served to drag my mood down even further.

"You need to tell him about Jack," she insisted. "Maybe that's part of what's been holding him back."

I sighed, realizing then that I was never going to get the moment that I wanted. Instead of dragging it out further, I pulled out my phone and sent him a text: I need to talk to you tonight.

Gabriel was in his office when I got back to his house. I considered waiting for him to finish for the night but thought better of it. I was ready now. If I waited, I'd lose my nerve.

I knocked on his door and didn't wait for a response before walking in. He looked up, startled at first, then frowned when he saw me.

"I got your message, is everything okay?" There was concern in his eyes and I was glad to see it there, glad to see any emotion at all. Maybe this present distant spell was coming to an end.

"Sorry if it sounded ominous, I just wanted to make sure to get on your schedule." My words sounded a bit harsher than I'd meant them to, so I pulled back: "I know you have a lot going on right now."

Gabriel sighed heavily. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I understand. This will only take a second." I clasped my hands together tightly to keep myself from fidgeting.

"What is it?" He was standing now, watching me closely.

"I just came to let you know that I've ended things with Jack." I said it simply, a statement of fact. There was no sense in getting wound up hoping for some profound, violin-backed romantic scene. I wasn't going to have that moment. So instead, I presented it as though I was reporting the weather outside.

"Kiera—" Gabriel's breath hitched slightly.

"That was it, I'll let you get back to your work." I made to leave but he had already crossed the room to catch me and pulled me into a tight hug, my body crushed against his. We both stood that way silently for a time, as we seemed to often: it seemed that when Gabriel struggled to express his emotions, he instead preferred to try and squeeze them into me.

"Have you eaten?" His chin moved against the top of my head where it rested. I pulled back and he let go reluctantly.

"I just got back from dinner with Aubrey," I told him. "We went to the diner."

"Why you like that place is beyond me." I'd dragged him there for breakfast after one of our sleepovers and he was less than pleased with the Americana décor and the puddle of grease that collected beneath his stack of bacon. He'd made it very clear he would not be returning for another meal.

"Because it's good," I said.

"Will you stay tonight?"

I shrugged. "Do you want me to?"

Gabriel leaned down to kiss me softly. "I want you to." 

I'd hoped his invitation meant that we were going to discuss my news further, but instead we spent the evening curled up together in front of the fire. My head rested against his broad chest and he ran one hand over my hair in long, smooth strokes. Every time I glanced up at him and our eyes met, it looked like he wanted to say something. I'd hold eye contact, trying to silently encourage him to share whatever was on his mind, but he would just kiss my forehead and turn his attention back to the fire burning on the hearth.

When we moved up tohis bedroom, still quiet, Gabriel tried to show me what he was feeling with his actions. He moved slowly and deliberately, exploring every inch of me with his hands and his lips. I shivered as his fingers glided across my skin. He was so delicate, as though he was afraid one wrong move would break me. He was studying me, I realized. Memorizing every dip and curve and line of my body. For all the things we'd done together—all the passionate kisses, the long embraces, the earth-shattering orgasms—this somehow felt the most intimate.