Unbound

Chapter 40

Wide awake in Gabriel's arms, it was impossible to still my mind. I was overtired and overthinking but even recognizing that wasn't enough to make me stop. I'd waited; I'd been patient. Gabriel had come a long way from the man he was the first time he kissed me. But it wasn't enough. Not now that I was in it so deeply. I needed to know what he was feeling, even if it hurt.

"Do you think..." My voice caught in my throat. I cleared it and tried again: "Do you think we could be mates?" My heart raced as the words tumbled from my mouth, allowing the question I'd never intended to ask to spill out into the room.

Gabriel was quiet for a minute. Then another. As the length of his silence grew, so did the distance between us. So did the undeniable ache in my chest. His lack of a response was answer enough.

I couldn't wait any longer. My cheeks burning with shame, I slid out of the bed and collected my clothes from where they lay on the carpet. As I dressed, he stared at the ceiling, unmoving. I couldn't read the expression he wore on his face. When I left the room, he made no attempt to stop me.

Somehow, I made it back to the guesthouse before I collapsed onto the floor, clutching at my chest as though I could rip my heart out before it broke any further. The pain was unlike any I'd felt in my life, raging through me like a wildfire and threatening to tear me open. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. But when I opened my mouth, no sound came out. Noiseless tremors shook my body and left me gasping desperately for air.

I was a game to him. A distraction. Everything that we had, everything that I thought we were, had all been in my head. I'd misinterpreted the emotion in his eyes when he looked at me; or worse, I'd put it there myself out of sheer desperation to think he felt as strongly as I did.

I spent the night there, curled in on myself on the cold ground. I wished for a deep, dreamless sleep that never came. Instead, as the sun rose, my eyes and throat were left raw from hours of hysterics. Every muscle in my body ached from the heaving, brutal shudders that wracked it. I was empty then, mercifully devoid of any emotion. It had taken all night, but I thought I might have finally expelled every last ounce of feeling from inside of me until there was nothing left but a hollowness.

I laid still, cheek pressed against the floor. When the door opened and the corner dug into my back, it took some time to register the feeling. The sound of Gabriel's voice, however, took no time to register at all.

"Kiera." He said my name like an apology.

It took all the energy I had left to roll myself gingerly up onto my feet. The world spun slightly when I stood, and I felt for a second like I might vomit on him. He would have deserved it if I had.

"What," I rasped.

He stepped inside the rest of the way and shut the door behind him. He looked like he'd had about as enjoyable of a night as I did. His eyes were dark. "Why did you ask me that?"

I stared at him blankly. "Because I need to know."

"Why does it matter?" He sounded nervous now, an edge of anxiety creeping into his voice. If I'd cared more, I would have been surprised; he was never nervous. "What will it change?"

"You started this, Gabriel. You wanted this," I accused. "I was perfectly happy with things as they were."

"Were you?" He wanted to remain as impassive as I seemed, but I could tell my lack of an emotional response had his blood boiling. It didn't matter. I'd already laid myself bare once, I wasn't going to do it again. He had his chance.

"Yes." No.

He took a step forward. "You're lying to me."

"I'm not." I took a step back. I wanted space.