Shea & War

Chapter 4

Only, Always, Forever, Fucked

War

Heinous fucking bitch.

Mandi is a fucking dead bitch.  The only person I hate more than her right now is me, fucking loser, idiot, me.

I'm so mad I swear if that festering cunt was in front of me I'd strangle her and spit in her face.

The bitch sent the video to Shea.  Before we could let Shea know about the video, or at least explain that I was passed the hell out in it, that vindictive cunt sent it to my Shea.

My sweet Shea who is now crying in her brothers arms, not my arms, her brothers arms. My Shea, who won't look at me or talk to me, despite her brothers both telling her what happened. My baby, who is a fucking wreck because that bitch Mandi didn't get her way, and is now STILL trying to fuck up my marriage.

"Baby, please come here, let me hold you. I'm so sorry this happened, but I swear I was drugged and didn't have any idea what was going on!"

Shea whips her head around at me, eyes burning into mine.

"I KNOW you were on drugs War, you and those stupid damn drugs, I wish you'd never used them, what the hell!   I f-ing get it that you were manipulated in this video. I f-ing see that you are totally passed out! Just let me be angry about this ok? Jeez! Let me f-ing process this cluster!" She turns out of her brothers arms and runs into me, burying her face in my chest. Her crying is breaking my heart.  Her tears dampen my shirt, sobs wracking her body.

"When is this going to be over War? When is she going to stop with her stupid games? I'm so tired of her, she's over there laughing at me right now! God, I'm so fricking angry now!"

I've got her wrapped in my arms, kissing the top of her head. Her brothers and their wives Kay and Suze are making a barrier between us and the Mandi bitch, but Shea's right, the bitch is laughing at her. Fucking rubbing it in her face. Shame rolls through and fills me, I start to pull away from Shea, but she pulls me back hard.

"Stay here War, don't play into her game any more. I don't want to make more of a scene than I already have. Then she just ends up winning again.  I want her to be frozen out of my life, I don't want to hear her name, see her stupid bitchy face, or listen to her ugly voice.  I want her to disappear into whatever cave she came from."  Her sobbing quiets, and she rests in my arms, the heaving and shaking stills, and she calms.

"I'm over her and her games War, as long as you promise that you're finished with helping and befriending her, that all the phone calls, texts and conversations are done, then I just want her to sit in the background and see that she didn't hurt us.  We didn't break or even bend to the crap she threw at us and tried to stir up.  Let her see she lost, then let her move on."  Sheas voice is quiet, and harsh in a way that I've rarely ever heard from her.

"If we yell, show that we're upset, then she thinks she won, she thinks I believe her lies, and I don't.  I know she manipulated the situation, it's obvious in the video, and it's what my brothers and the girls remember from that night.  But she can't be trusted, and I don't want her anywhere around us.  If you disagree, then tell me now, I don't want to force you, but I am not going to deal with her shit anymore."  Shea turns slightly in my arms, and I know she is looking at Mandi, Sheas hands ghost up my arms and over my shoulders and through my hair, her fingers running over my scalp.  Then, she pulls my head down to meet hers, resting our foreheads together, I pull her hard against me, slam my lips to hers and kiss the ever loving fuck out of her.

"I love you War, we'll get past this, you didn't cheat, but you did stuff that you never told me about, and those omissions are what got us here.  No more, never again War, from now on, only truth."  I squeeze her tight, drinking in the feel of her body against mine, and I thank the fucking gods that she is in my life.   Fuck it, she is my life.

This is my entire fault. For whatever stupid reason, I liked feeling like I was the hero, solving Mandis problems, being her friend, for once I wasn't the poor little foster kid begging for help and a handout, I was actually the person in a great position to help someone else out. I don't think I realized until the past few days, but on some level I think I knew and liked that she was pursuing and looking up to me. I'd never have done anything. But I did enjoy having my ego stroked. I'm such a fuckin dick.  This is all my fault.

I wipe Sheas eyes, kiss her gently on her cheeks, nose, eyes and lips. Gently brushing my lips over her ear, I whisper just for her.

"You Shea, you are the only girl I've loved in my life. The only woman I've craved and needed. You are the only thing I need to live. I don't need our friends, I don't need my job, I don't need the club. I just fuckin need you babe. Only, always forever you!"

"I know War, it's us, just us. I love you too. Lets head back now ok? I'm really not feeling great, between the cramps, my stomach flu and now this, I really want to crawl into bed and stay there for a week."

"With me baby, can I crawl in with you?" I'm hoping to God she says yes.

"Yeah War, you always make things better, love you big man." She kisses my chest before sliding on her jacket and gloves. I place her helmet on her head, and buckle it. I know she's fully capable of doing this herself, she knows she can do it. We both like this ritual that we do before we get on the bike, we've been doing it this way for years. I buckle her helmet, she climbs up behind me and squeezes me, then tells me she loves me. We've been doing this since she was 18 and first climbed on the back of my bike.

We've only been riding for about an hour, when I wonder what the fucks going on?

Sheas grip on me just totally loosened, and almost dropped, I'm trying to hold on to her with one hand and maneuver off the road with the other, fuck, I can feel her sliding off the bike, oh shit, I think she's fainted.  

"Baby!  Shea Baby, what's going on, hold on babe, hold on!"

Pulling to the side of the road, I feel and hear the others stopping also. Jumping off my bike, Shea is falling all the way down to the ground. I pick her up, yelling her name, trying to wake her up.

"Baby, baby, what's wrong, wake up Shea, come on baby, please wake up!"

As I'm cradling her I realize that my hands are bloody. Covered in blood. Someone yells out they've called 911. I can't see where the blood is coming from, but fuck, there's so much blood.

Her face is ghostly pale, she's fucking out, no movement, she doesn't notice that I'm calling for her, no reaction, nothing.

It only took an hour after we arrived at the hospital to find out what happened, and it's been 6 hours since Shea fainted, we've been at the hospital for it feels like forever, while they give Shea a blood transfusion, and to help her body recover from losing our baby.  My girl was pregnant, she was going to be a mom, we were gonna be parents.  We lost our sweet little miracle.

We were going to have a baby.

Was, were. Not anymore.

The doctor said she's about 8 weeks along. I mean, was 8 weeks along. The cramping she felt this morning was the beginning of her miscarriage. The flu she's had the past few weeks was probably morning sickness. We were gonna have a baby, we were gonna be parents.

We always planned on having kids, in the next year or so, but we weren't trying yet. Fuck, that would have been really nice, being a dad, being parents, I guess I was ready for it, I just didn't realize till we lost our little baby.

The doctor said there's no way to know what caused the miscarriage, probably an unhealthy fetus that just couldn't survive. He also said she could have been exposed to some illness, or stress could have affected her.

Stress.

Like the stress I brought into our lives with that fucking bitch Mandi. This is my fucking fault. My girl has always been so sweet and good and true to me, and I reward her loyalty, kindness and love by bringing that bitch into her life. If I had listened to Shea the first time she told me that she didn't trust Mandi we wouldn't be in the hospital right now.  We wouldn't be grieving our lost little baby.  We'd be somewhere sweet, loving on each other, celebrating the fact we were going to be parents. But now we're in a hospital. Shea is getting a blood transfusion because she lost so much blood. We're no longer pregnant. And it's my fucking fault.