into the forest i go | a collection of poetry

☆Don't Say "I Love You"☆

i'm not scared of you
but i'm scared of your love
i'm scared that if you touch me, i'll let you in
and then eventually your touch is all i will need

i'm scared that if i let you kiss me
the feeling of it will soak into my flesh and get lost in my body
stuck somewhere unreachable
that it'll make me want to crawl out of my skin, aching for someone to kiss me like that again

i'm scared that if i even let you get close
if i let your pupils fixate on mine
and i let you hold me against your body
our breathe colliding, our hearts slowing to the same rhythm...
that you will become my
world
you will become the only thing i could ever need

i'm scared that when you are hard to reach i'll resort to not eating
because only you can make me feel full
i'm scared that when you ask for space, i'll be left with your ghost
running around chasing shadows that resemble you
because no one could fill the space that you've left in my heart

i am fucking terrified
that if i let you in...
i'm only going to be abandoned again
it's only going to be me in the end
once again, living in the past
asking myself what i could've done differently, what i could have changed
if i had changed myself entirely would it have made you stay?

i'm not scared of you
i'm scared to love you
but it won't always be this way
because
if you kiss me
hold me
and tell me that "it's going to be okay."
and repeat that again.
and again.
and again.
and again...

until the reassurance eats away the fear
until your love becomes the only thing i feel
if you stay just long enough to achieve this
i promise you all of the love i can give
and my love for you is endless