into the forest i go | a collection of poetry

☆Prey☆

(TW: Su*c*de)

I walked to the coast
Took off my clothes
And submitted myself to the sea

I feel the numbing cold — I decide, I don't mind
As I descend further into the water, I see sparkling rays of sunlight — I decide, I don't mind
Beneath the water, I feel my heart collide with the tide — I decide, I don't mind

I just want the tide to rush in and pull me under
Get violent like it knows so well
I want to die like any other deep sea creature
Small and fragile, death by another's race to survival

But instead, I'm the predator and the prey
I am running from myself and the other part of me is ready to feed
I want to be free and I want to be full
It's a game that we play till the water stills
Till something cuts in between, ending this game of Cat and Mouse that is so cruel

Will it be something that makes me want to stay?
Is it peace? Ease?
Do you think instead of succumbing to the shark of me, that I perhaps can float?

I don't think beings were built to carry this much grief
I don't think we were made to carry this much pain

It is a shame that I have these boulders tied to my feet
It's a shame that I cry so hard every day
It's a shame I'm not a newborn fish, who goes out as prey
It's a shame that drifting away forever at shore feels like the only way

To end the conditions of living
To break out of this earthly prison