One Hell Of A Boss - (Helluva Boss AU)

S1, E3 - Spring Broken (1/31/21)

[The scene starts with Blitzo and the crew driving their gray van along the street.]

Blitzo: I love this song! *poorly singing along with "Mustang Dong" on the radio* ♫ You were a spicy little- uh- Demon with the- uh- bleach blonde haaaair! ♫

[Loona is shown sitting in the passenger seat next to Blitzo, looking mildly annoyed at his singing. Moxxie covers his somehow non-existing ears in the back, Millie rolls down her window and smiles, and Ember just looks bored.]

Blitzo: ♫ Fieeendin' for that semen when I caught your stare... ♫

[They drive into an old crowded parking lot.]

Blitzo: ♫ Thooought it might be love, but you went--♫

[A pink car pulls into the remaining parking space.]

Blitzo: Oh, shit! Fu-

[Blitzo slams onto the brakes and the van skids to a stop. Blitzo turns off the radio and glares at the person in the pink car. He glances at the license plate, which reads "SUCKS-4-LIFE".]

Blitzo: Oh, you "suck for life", do ya?!

[Blitzo pulls out a megaphone and yells into it.]

Blitzo: Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump! You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot!

The passenger steps out of her front car seat with high heels. Blitzo lowers the megaphone, shocked.]

Blitzo: Oh, shit! Verosika!

[Verosika blows a bubble of pink gum before it pops.]

Verosika: Blitz-o.

Blitzo: I should have known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles, which is odd. Because, I believe the nearest ocean is...

[Blitzo falls and faceplants onto the ground before standing up.]

Blitzo: ...three Rings DOWN!

Verosika: And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts.

Blitzo: Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass outta rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!

[Verosika flips her long hair back dramatically.]

Verosika: They let me out because I'm still famous. And rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups.

[Verosika takes a drink from her bottle and wipes her mouth with her thumb.]

Verosika: So, your sister says "Hi".

[Blitzo angrily steps in front of Verosika.]

Blitzo: Why are you parkin' here?! This is the ONLY parking spot my company has! So take your tampon race car somewhere else!

Verosika: Actually, prick. It has my name on it.

[Verosika points down to her name written in purple spray paint by their feet. I.M.P is crossed out on the ground.]

Verosika: I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building...

Loona: *watching from the van* No way...

Verosika: ...and they wanted to have me come in this week to lead their team during spring break.

Blitzo: A WEEK?! No, no, you are NOT parking here for a fuckin' week!

Verosika: *removes her sunglasses* Awww, you mad, Blitz-o? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car and run...