One Hell Of A Boss - (Helluva Boss AU)

S1, E4 - C.H.E.R.U.B (3/14/21)

[The episode opens up to a shot of Heaven's golden gates. The gates open and "Cherub Towne" is shown. Cletus flies in front of the camera.]

Cletus: Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did somethin' good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!

[The Cherubs begin singing the C.H.E.R.U.B. Jingle.]

[Cuts to a man jumping out of an airplane. He pulls the ripcord to release his parachute, only for it to snap off instead. He splats onto a rock while a censoring cloud bubble reads "OWIE!"]

Collin: ♫ Does it make you want to cry? ♫

[Cuts to another person getting run over by a speeding train from a tunnel as "Oh No!" appears in a censor cloud.]

Keenie: ♫ When your loved one has to die? ♫

[Scene goes to another man who accidentally shoots himself in the face with a shotgun. "Oopsie!" is seen in another censor cloud.]

Cletus: ♫ Does it hurt you through and through? ♫

[Clip shows a struggling man's face turning blue in a hangman's noose. A stylized version of Cletus's head fades into view with a sad face and a tear running down his cheek.]

All: ♫ When your face is turnin' bluuuuue? ♫

Collin: ♫ Well, luckily for you... ♫

Keenie: ♫ There's somethin' we can do! ♫

Cletus: ♫ We can help keep them alive, ♫

All: ♫ So you can watch them thrive! ♫

[All three pose together.]

[The orange C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appears with a registered trademark symbol. The letters appear as they are sung.]

All: ♫ 'Cause here at C.H.E... R.U.B.! ♫

[Cletus rescues a woman from a pack of wild animals. Keenie pushes a scared Collin in front of them, as he holds a plank of wood with a nail in it.]

Collin: ♫ We'll save your honeybun from dying violently! ♫

[The C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appears again.]

All: ♫ 'Cause here at C.H.E....R.U.B.! ♫

[Cletus is shown waving a dismissive hand at a person handing him a handful of dollar bills.]

Keenie: ♫ No, we never even ask a fee! ♫

[Collin and Keenie give each other a hug in a yellow heart background.]

Collin: ♫ Because good people spread the love! ♫

[Small hearts of light spread out around a spinning Earth in space.]

Keenie: ♫ And we're here for all above! ♫

[A stressed Collin rapidly writes on piles of paperwork in an office.]

Cletus: ♫ We do the paperwork for you! ♫

[Keenie lifts a boulder from a woman trapped under and flattened by a boulder, who gives her a thumbs up.]

Collin: ♫ And the heavy liftin', too! ♫

[The three Cherubs comfort a horribly wounded man after a car crash. he is bleeding profusely from a neck wound.]

Cletus: ♫ So sit right back ♫

[The three Cherubs appear back on the screen and sing in harmony. They pose some more.]

All: ♫ And let us bless a soooul for you! ♫

♫ Oh, we... are the C.H.E.R.U.B.! ♫

[The Cherubs appear on a small, old-fashioned TV which zooms out onto the I.M.P Headquarters. Blitzo blasts the TV with his flintlock pistol, and it explodes.]