Zayn Malik, I. [zustin mieber]

Chapter 12

[Someone who doesn't like me called me a lesbian and I was like 'okay, says the one who asked another girl if she could massage her crotch.']

I don't look at Zayn when he returns with Liam. I can't believe Scooter would jump to this. I thought that he would at least try to clear up the rumors first. I grab a drink of soda, and take a sip. Zayn thankfully has started a conversation with Calum. I try to ignore the aching in my chest and take another sip of soda, but then I start to feel sick and stop. I feel someone tap my shoulder and turn around. 

"What the fuck is your problem?" Michael asks. "You look like you're going to spew." 

"I just feel a little queasy, nothing bad," I say. 

"Celebrities can get sick? What the hell? I thought you were injected with some forever-okay shit." 

"I'm okay, it's just nerves." 

"Nerves? Why the hell are you nervous all of a sudden? We are the ones who just shared our fucking life stories," Michael says. I shake my head. 

"Michael, don't be mean," Calum says. 

"Oh fuck off, it was in my job description to be mean," Michael spits. 

"Guys just leave it, I'm okay," I say. Zayn is looking at me, but he doesn't make any move to come closer. Michael grabs at his hair and starts to mumble things I can't hear. I look over to Liam. I'm starting to think it was bad that I came. "I just have a meeting with management." 

"You do?" Zayn asks. I know I have his full attention now. I don't want his attention right now. Zayn takes a step towards me. I hold my hand out. 

"Don't," I say. "Zayn please don't." 

"Is... Is it about me?" He asks. Everyone is silent. I look at Zayn then to the floor. "Justin what did I do?" 

"It's not about you," I lie. It's about how I fucked up.  Zayn walks up to me, and I can feel my body starting to shake. 

"Give me your phone." 

"Zayn..." 

"Give. Me. Your. Phone," He hisses. So I take my phone out and hand it to Zayn. I keep my eyes on his while he reads my texts. He looks at me, his mouth falling open. Zayn throws my phone down and takes off. I don't follow him. I can't follow him. My feet won't move. Liam comes towards me. 

"Are you going to go after him?" He asks. I close my eyes, and my tears start to fall. 

"I can't," I say. "I can't go." 

"Justin he's suicidal. Go," Liam says. "Only you can stop him from doing something." But Liam doesn't know Zayn like I do. Zayn just needs time to process this, and I need time to realize my mistakes. 

___

I meet Zayn back at the hotel a few hours later. He looks at me, his eyes are red and his cheeks tear stained. He runs into my arms, and I start to cry as well. We stay like this for a while. I tell Zayn that it's my fault, that someone saw us kissing in public and I was the one who kissed him. He only holds me, not able to process any words. 

We end up in bed, not in a sexual manner, but in what we both need. I hold Zayn, and he curls into my chest. We do not speak, letting the silence keep our secrets within our minds. I know I will have to go through with the fake girlfriend, and I am praying they'll let Zayn stay on tour with me for a little longer. I don't want him to go back home, not when he needs me the most. 

Zayn is crying, and I feel guilty. He doesn't deserve this. He is broken and I'm supposed to help him become whole again, not smash his already broken pieces some more. I feel myself crying as well and bury my head into his back. 

"I'm sorry," I croak. "I'm so sorry." 

"There was nothing you could have done," Zayn says. 

"There is so many things I could have done." I can tell he knows I'm not only talking about the kiss but what happened in the past. 

"Goodnight, Justin." 

"Zayn please," I whisper. But that's it, because he's done talking, even if I'm not done trying. 

[I am back from Europe and now I shall update as much as I can until the book is over which will be soon. Also, Zayn was in Paris like 5 days beFORE I WAS. I WAS SO CLOSE TO THE KING.]