Resurrection

Chapter 18: Sins To Confess

Edward freezes, eyes still locked on Stede after his irate outburst. His face immediately softens at the small, pleasant voice posing the heart wrenching question. You and Stede Bonnet were in love has played in Edward's mind every waking moment since their final meeting at the dock. To hear it said out loud makes his heart sink, especially in the soft, sweet voice of his current lover. Like so many times in his life, Edward's anger has gotten the best of him.

"You can tell me. It's OK." Says the soft, sweet voice again; like a flower surrounded by crabgrass.

Stede's eyes move from Saraghina, back to Edward. He sees how his expression has drastically shifted. He doesn't look infuriated anymore, he almost looks afraid.

"Sara, dear . . ." Edward begins quietly, slowly turning around and meeting her eyes. Saraghina stands expectantly, her expression careful and understanding. She knows that this must be torturous for him, so she focuses on maintaining her composure.

"We're here to talk about things." Saraghina continues carefully. "Were . . . are . . . you in love with Stede?"

Edward's expression is ill at ease as he searches for something to say. He feels the eyes of his crew all over his body, juxtaposed by Saraghina's anticipatory gaze.

"This isn't how I wanted to tell you about Stede." Edward finally answers. "I wasn't sure I ever wanted to tell you."

Stede feels a pang of sadness in response. He feels like a dirty secret, a blip in Edward's extensive past.

"I wouldn't have minded." Saraghina says evenly. "We could've talked about it . . . it seems like something that's caused a lot of hurt for you . . . and others."

The crew looks around each other with sullen faces. They're exhausted by the months of hurt this whole situation caused.

"There's nothing to talk about." Edward says practically, but despairingly. "Stede made his choice, now he and his crew live with the consequences."

"Is that why you wanted to seem so evil? So scary? To punish Stede?" Saraghina inquires carefully.

"It's not just Stede!" Edward snaps. Saraghina takes a step back at the abruptness, staring at Edward with the same wide, terrified eyes she had when she first met him. His heart sinks even deeper at her fear, fear that he caused. He feels like his father. "S-sorry . . . Sara, I'm . . ." Edward tries to formulate his next thought, but he's spiraling.

"Calm down." Saraghina says pragmatically. The crew stares at her in awe, her power over Edward is palpable. They watch her like a lion tamer. "If it's not just because of Stede, why else are you so concerned with seeming so vile?"

"Well Stede fucking started everything else." Edward explains, agitated. "He made me lose sight of my goals and who I am. He made me into a weaker version of myself. He turned me into a goddamn wuss, then left me."

"What are you talking about, Ed?!" Stede pipes up, standing from the crate he sits on. For months he's been dying to explain himself.

"I'm telling her the truth!" Edward roars back at Stede. "You were no good for me! You made me the fucking laughing stock of the sea!"

"That's not what you told me, Edward, and you know it!" Stede retorts. "You said it yourself, you were tired of being a pirate. You said that I was what made you happy. You were looking for a reason to leave it all behind long before you met me."

"Maybe I was fucking misguided, alright?!" Edward shouts back. "Either way, you really sped up the process. You tore me down and made me soft, then left me. You fucking left me, Stede!"

"I didn't leave you, Ed, I've been trying to tell you for months-" Stede begins.

"Horseshit!" Edward yells back, taking a few intimidating steps towards Stede. Saraghina and the rest of the crew watch the altercation, extremely concerned.